UBM Post 31 - We did it :)

***********We did it, We did it, Oh Yay Yay Yay*********** {happy dance}

This is what the daughter and I sing when we accomplish something :).

I'm so proud of myself for sticking through this blog marathon.....it was tough. I think Day 18-20 were the toughest, and once I crossed over the hump, I could see the finish line :).

There is a lot more that I wanted to blog about - book recommendations, the daughter's music preferences (from Kishore Kumar to Pink), movies that I love, some more travel musings, observations at various public places, pictures, volunteering activities that I am still able to do to help the ones in need, etc etc.

But as I review all the posts, I see that at this moment in my life, I enjoy the present, the now - more than anything else. Every single day, I look forward to the new stuff that the kids do, the milestones, the conversations, their bonding.....and I quite enjoy living in this phase.

I also know that I am terrible at writing fiction. Terrible at making something sound dramatic or poetic through my words. I like to say how it is, straight and simple. I think years of working as a techie has this effect on you. I probably need to exercise my right brain much more often, and with kids, I have ample opportunity to do so. I'm also considering doing a creative writing online course from somewhere - do you have any recommendations?

One thing I can do: I promise to continue posting more regularly. I quite enjoy blogging about motherhood (yes, I don't mind being one of the zillion mommy bloggers out there).

Hope you enjoyed whatever I wrote....and thank you to Ramesh, Andy, Sriram, SK, Bhavika, JS, and many more of you who read all the posts and commented on them too.

I will do a post for the daughter's birthday soon, so stay tuned :)!

Now, off to Disney with the familia!!!!

UBM Post 30 - The work-life balance saga

I was going to post something light and funny today, but I read a few posts related to the evergreen debate on a working mom vs a stay-at-home mom, and hence this post.

These are the posts I read:

http://nychthemeron.blogspot.in/2009/03/kids-and-maids.html (read the comments too)

http://nychthemeron.blogspot.com/2013/07/kids-and-maids-2.html (don't read the comments; I'll post my long one here)

http://www.indianamericanmom.com/2013/07/ditch-the-mommy-guilt.html

http://readingthroughrsmind.wordpress.com/2013/07/26/

http://www.momaical.com/2013/06/women-who-have-it-all-and-other-lies.html

And the one with which I resonated the most:
http://www.blogher.com/are-you-pwm-proud-working-mom

Now adding my two cents:

First, my response on the second post listed above:

I work, and my daughter went to daycare (now preschool), and the son will go to daycare soon. And I live in the US, so I'll speak for what I do here.

This is how I make it work:
- We kept the kids home upto a year...actually a little more than that (until I nursed them). Both of us took ALL the leave we could get (paid and unpaid) so that was like 9 months+, rest of the time parents helped out.
- I had kids at a time in my career where I could get flexibility to work from home as much as I want. I invested 10 years of hard work before I got this luxury.
- I switched to part time for a few months when the daughter started daycare. Hubby did the same. So our daughter who turns 3 this week, has never gone to daycare 5 days a week, 8 hours a day.
- We have no maids to cook, clean, etc. We do have a gardener, and occasionally (once every 2 months) call someone to help with the house. Stuff like windows, doors, blinds, lamps, ac vents, etc that we don't clean routinely, they help out.
- Kids get the socialization they need in daycare, eat lunch, and nap. They eat breakfast and dinner at home, go to activities with us, go to the park with us, go for play dates with us.
- BOTH of us have put our careers in cruise mode...no promotions for a while, no working long hours, no work related travel, no meetings off hours.
- Each of us takes atleast 2 vacation days every month (that's 4 total days) to do fun stuff with kids, or just to be home with them. These are impromptu.
- When they are sick, we are with them 24x7. Daycares here don't allow sick children anyway.

On top of this, finding the right daycare provider is also key. I feel only a mom who has done this with her kids (preferably more than one so that she has more varied experience) can do a good job. Exceptions are everywhere but I am talking about norm. Recommendations matter big time - make sure you pick someone who has nothing but good referrals.

Now, on choosing to continue to work: I feel, if I have invested 6+ years in studying for some profession, and 10+ yrs working in it, it's really unfair to chuck it all away. It's terrific income for the family too. Do you want women to just be moms all their life and not grow in other professions? What about our daughters? what do we want them to do when they grow up? Not everyone can stay home for X no of yrs and get back into the workforce when they please. I have countless examples of frustrated and depressed moms who quit work when their children were born, and now want to work but there are no appealing jobs. Even my own mom who made the same decision when I was born (I am her eldest child) always laments that she could never have a career. Money also matters - not just for survival but for self-esteem and independence as well- it is not easy asking money from your spouse for small small personal expenses, gifts to friends, charging mobile phone cards, etc and not being asked how much you spend each month....it can be a big reason for conflict between a couple. I can continue, but there are countless benefits to women working. Quitting I feel is the easiest option to choose, not necessarily the best one for yourself, your child or your family.

In summary, it is possible to achieve an acceptable work-life balance if you choose to work on it diligently. It requires careful planning and execution, but totally doable. And a good infrastructure that supports working moms is essential in all countries. IF we had that, we would not face this dilemma and guilt.

As I have expressed here before as well, the right kind of infrastructure is key. The government can help you, but the more I think about it, I come to a conclusion that it is upto YOU to create your own infrastructure. Only you can figure out what will work for you and your child(ren).

Another key point for a working woman is: equal contribution from spouse on ALL aspects of parenting. Sure, men can't get pregnant or breastfeed (how I wish they could do that), but other than these two things, they should be able to share the rest of the burden.

My husband starts his 6-week bonding leave today. I think it's incredible that he is choosing to take this leave which is a benefit from the state, but comes with very little pay. He is also a person who has woken up most nights to help with our infant/toddler children. He shares 50% of the household chores with me. He can cook some delicious stuff when the need arises (he was a regular before but now he babysits while I cook, mostly coz I'm much quicker). He can bathe both the kids, dress them up, take them for their activities, park and museum outings, read stories at bedtime and put them to bed. He feeds them all their meals. If I have to be away for work, I know he will be able to manage without me, and he will do a good job. Many times, I have found that I am the one who worries so much about how he will manage a certain situation, but in reality, when I leave it upto him, he does fine (and often, does it the same way I would have).

Our neighbor also starts his 6-week bonding leave today. It is even more incredible as his wife is a stay-at-home mom and they have three kids. Money is tighter for them than us. But he wants to enjoy summer with the kids, and more importantly, give a little bit of break to his wife.

Another neighbor, and a very close friend of ours, he stayed home with two of his children for 5+ years, while his wife worked during that time. I will not go into the reasons why they made this choice, but having known them for close to 8 years now, I can say he did an amazing job with his boys. I always tell my husband to learn as much as he can from him.

So, if husbands start helping out equally, take bonding leave during the first couple years, and there is a network of trusted, reliable daycare providers in town - a working woman has no reason to completely quit her job, if she is really inclined to work.

On a personal level, I'm in awe of women who just quit their careers and choose to stay home with their kids. Being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job in the world, in my opinion. So I have lot of admiration and respect for each of them. It's just that when they take us working moms on a guilt trip, I feel I need to voice my support and level out the field :)!

I now rest my case!!!!

UBM Post 29 - Never a dull moment in life

This crawling madness was happening last night:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-zxPE82sM0

I only recorded parts of it. They went on like this for half an hour. And prior to that, they were doing 'masti' on the bed.
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And today, it is the beginning of the "End of the crawling era" in our household. Check this out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCZ9qgXx830

As soon as the son woke up, he wandered over to the play room, found this walker himself, and just went with it. When we asked him to take a break, he started crying. As soon as he woke up from his nap, he was walking with it again. He didn't even want to finish his bottle of milk...he just wanted to walk, walk, walk! I told the daughter while driving back home from her school that Rusham has an early birthday surprise for you, and when we reached home, I asked him to demo it for her. She was absolutely thrilled! She kept saying "oh mumma Rusham become a big boy now, he is so tall, he is walking so fast, I go on walk with him mumma" - such a proud moment for all of us!!!!

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A few days ago, we had just returned from the grocery store, and were still in the garage unloading the car. The daughter saw one of her neighborhood friends walking by with his dad, and asked him to come over to play with her. They stopped by, and all of us were chatting. Suddenly, she went behind me, smelt my bum, and said "mumma, your bum is smelling so bad. Not good mumma. Go wipe your bum and change your clothes". Jeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! And to think of it - I had showered just before leaving to the grocery store....I guess this is just the beginning of facing several such embarrassing situations {eyes roll}!!!!

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I had a great time chatting with several of our neighbors today. A couple of them came home, and it felt so good. I also took the daughter out in the evening for riding her plasma car, and yapped with two other neighbors. And I got to play with our neighbors' daughter E who is 6 months old - she has such pretty blue eyes and a 1000-watt smile - love her! These chats with friends helped me forget the drab Sunday that I had.

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This is an exciting week - the daughter turns TH-REEEEE on Thursday! She is celebrating her birthday in school tomorrow, so we got cupcakes for all her friends today, and also gift wrapped books that we are giving as gifts (I never give plastic junk). She is VERY excited. 

She has already received a few presents. One of them was a baby doll pretend play set, complete with the doll's walker, crib, high chair tray, food, milk bottle, pacifier, teether, etc.....the doll can cry, laugh and babble....she has been in love with her. She plays with her baby (who we have named Aria) all day. She even found a mamma and pappa for her baby doll from the house, so now they are a complete family.

Later this week, we are taking a short vacation, and gifting her a trip to visit her favorite Mickey :)!

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And to end the day, I chanced upon this fabulous piece of news (please do read):
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10201554618288320&set=a.10201554618208318.1073741828.1263248477&type=1

What an inspiring story....totally made my day! More power and more luck to these precious kiddos!

UBM Post 28 - A day full of conflict...

So, after a fabulous Saturday, it was a drab Sunday. Worse than just drab actually.

Managing two kids, even with the help of my parents right now, is sometimes very stressful. But I have one rule for myself: I never find fault with the kids. Its usually my inability to deal with the situation in a better way. Our children are way too young to be manipulative in a way that could affect us badly, and are also yet incapable of creating any major drama. As my mom puts it, they are like tender flower buds, only looking for love, warmth and caring from us. They are definitely huge blessings in our lives, for which I thank the Almighty daily.

The husband unfortunately does not always think like I do. I think he was overwhelmed today. Which is fine, but there was no real reason to be overwhelmed with. We had planned to be home all day, had no errands planned, no house cleaning or arranging planned, and didn't even have to cook dinner. All we had to do is make some lunch (which mom and I cooked), bathe the kids, eat, play with them, nap. But he was mean and nasty (with his words) to me when the daughter threw a 5-minute tantrum just before lunch time. One thing about her is: she cannot gauge her hunger. When she is hungry, she starts whining and behaving cranky. I sense it very quickly, and always give her a small snack to eat if her meal is not ready or it's not yet time for her meal. Today it was lunch time and he could not figure out a way to keep her calm while he heated up her food. And the rest of us were busy so he got very upset that no one came to help him. Which was fine, but then as soon as I heard her whining and went out to help, he greeted me with very insulting taunts.

He has been doing this since the last few weeks, and I have always remained calm and non-confrontative. But today, he crossed a personal boundary where he stooped very low with his words, and I could not just stay quiet.

I have a short temper, and sometimes say things that I regret. And what I've learnt and practiced religiously is to apologize at the first available opportunity to the person affected. Look into their eyes, say sorry, and mean it. My husband will not say sorry. Not right away anyway. It takes him several days to internalize his thoughts and come to terms with his act, and it takes him even longer than that to come up with an apology. Not sure if all men are this way, my dad is certainly not like him (coz he's like me :D).

I'm glad the day is behind me. It can only get better from here, right?

UBM Post 27 - A good, good day

We spent our morning at home....prepared and had a lavish lunch, complete with a plate of these super sweet mangoes.....

Both the kids enjoyed long warm baths, after which it was time for an afternoon siesta....

We then headed to the California State Fair to spend the rest of our day - we sat in the monorail, rode the carousel with both kids (first time for the son),  danced at the live concerts, daughter saw her favorite llamas, and the son was mesmerized by the parrots of various colors. I made avocado, cheese and chutney sandwiches for togo-dinner which were sooooo delicious - tasted even better with live music in the background. As we were getting ready to leave, the fireworks started, so we took a break in the parking lot to let both kids watch them....they loved it.

Here's a video of the daughter and I dancing at the concert in the promenade: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ys21utypFh0

And we ended the day with a visit to the family's favorite ice cream joint in town - Leartherbys. Any day that ends at Leatherbys is a good, good day.

The kids are exhausted and snoring in their car seats as we drive back home close to midnight. They behaved so well today - not one tantrum or fight. On some days, everything is perfect....as if it was meant to be!!!!

UBM Post 26 - Just a phone call away

Sharing our daily routine with each other
Was something we always looked forward to
For anything happy, sad, fun, exciting
I was just a phone call away

Whether it was a weekend meet-up
Or planning an adventure
For discussing all the little details
I was just a phone call away

We argued, we fought
We agreed to disagree and move on
For resolving all our conflicts
I was just a phone call away

During illness or injury
During mood swings n lows
To vent out and feel better
I was just a phone call away

We truly loved each other
We genuinely cared for each other
To express these emotions
I was just a phone call away

Gone are those phone calls
Gone is that bond
Only memories remain
To cherish along

Now its email and FaceBook
For all communication
It hurts, I wonder what changed
Although, I’m still just a phone call away!

UBM Post 25 - India Trip Musings

I never really got the time to write about my musings during the India Trip. Oh there were so many! I was browsing through the pictures today as I have to delete the folder from my laptop, and thought I should post a few of them here.

The day I landed, my best friend S from college/hostel days was leaving for UK, and I had not met her since 2000. I was not even sure where we would be staying after we land....but we had planned to meet somewhere in Ahmedabad. The day was so busy, confusing, frustrating, tiring. She was supposed to come over at night and spend a few hours with me before heading to the airport for an early morning flight. Just an hour before she came, we decided that my parents' house would be the best, at least for that first night, and we reached there. The house was clean but except for milk, we had nothing. She brought food for all of us. I had a good time chatting with her for few hours, finally getting to see her kids and introducing mine to hers. She is one of those with whom I can connect effortlessly, regardless of time and distance. I'm glad I got to meet her!

A couple of days later was Uttarayan. I always plan my India trip during January, primarily so that I can celebrate this favorite festival of mine with family. It also helps with ticket prices as you avoid the holiday rush. While growing up, our family was not big into firecrackers at Diwali, or playing with colors during Holi. But everyone loved flying kites. My dad is an expert..can manage to get one up in the air with little to no wind. There's always a family gathering during this time.....and the atmosphere on the terrace is electrifying.

The days leading upto the festival are spent in making delicacies like chikki, laddoos, undhiyu and Paunk - baby bajra kernels harvested and cooked over fire along with the husk/cover. Once cooked, you take the roasted kernels, mix it with spicy sev, lemon juice, coriander leaves, and gobble it all up.

Evenings are spent procuring kites - we buy loads of used ones which are not damaged; the primary reason being they are ready to fly and have been tested for the strength of their bamboo frame and tension already. We also go to Patang Bazaar and get new ones....picking up the latest styles for the season. You go through more than a thousand a day, so lots of buying needs to happen. The bazaar is open all night for everyone to be able to stock up. The picture below was clicked in 2009 - and this is the Patang Bazaar in Baroda where our family had gathered for the festival.

Another important part of the preparation is finding the right string, also called "dori" or "manja" to fly the kites. Each one has their own preference on how they want theirs, so what you do is go to the roadside vendors who set up shop all over town, and test it out. The special kite string is white in color, and is coated with a glue of color and glass. You place an order of what you like, and depending on the quantity, they will complete your order within the next few days. These vendors work all day and through the night during December-January. One of my moms maids this year wanted to earn some extra cash, so she quit doing her day job for a month (she told everyone she was sick) and worked at one of the vendors coloring the strings. She got paid lots of overtime so it worked out good for her. We did not know at that time but found out after the fact.

Picture above/below - courtesy Google.

On the D-day, a couple of over-enthusiastic cousins will start the setup as early as 5am. They will haul all the kites, firkis (reels of kite strings), a boombox and speakers to the terrace. Food usually is brought up by the ladies of the house who climb up on the terraces a bit later. All day long, you can hear chants of "kai po che" and "lapet" whenever someone cuts another person's kite. The weather during this time of the year is just perfect....not too cold, not too warm, and with music playing in the background or friends/cousins to have gappa-shappa with, you are destined to have the time of your life.

This year was the first time for the daughter, and I was not sure how much she would enjoy. But within a few minutes of going to the terrace in the morning, she was hooked. She was holding the firki and chanting "lapet" "lapet" as loud as she could. When she could not shout, she would blow the trumpet given to her by her best friend, Abhi. Her laughter was infectious.

She was still pretty jetlagged, so I brought her down for her nap, reluctantly, and promised to take her back up in the evening. One of my favorite brother-in-law A, who lives in Delhi, was visiting Gujarat, and he had planned to spend the evening with us. We usually celebrate Sankranti together, and always plan our gatherings months in advance. This year was no different. As soon as he came home, we went back up. Sunset is my most favorite time of the day.....the terraces were full of people and the sky was filled with kites all over. We have a 360 degree panoramic view of the city from our terrace, and the view was terrific.

And at night, people start flying "tukkals". These are special heavy duty kites that you fly on heavier strings, and once the kite is up, you start tying small tukkals (lanterns) at regular intervals on the string. The weather is usually calm by this time, so the tukkals fly high up in the air, steady and strong.

Photo Courtesy: Google.

And the latest trend these days is to fly 'gubbaras' or hot air balloons, which are mostly imported from China and are so cheap that people buy them in bulk. One of our neighbors bought ~100, and was lighting them one after the other for more than an hour. It takes very little effort to light the flame, and then you just release it in the air. The kids get a kick out of lighting fire and watching it fly away high up in the sky.

And last but not the least, there are fireworks. Tons of them. All over the town. It is much more festive than Diwali, or when India wins some cricket match. The scene is unforgettable. I found this one picture from the web, that gives you an idea of how it looks like!

The whole day this year was unforgettable. The daughter enjoyed every minute of her time on the terrace. She liked it so much, that whenever she would be fussy for breakfast, I would take her up on the terrace, and I would feed her while she observed stuff around - her favorite was our house help's quarters on the terrace of one of the bungalows 2 blocks down from our house. She would watch the birds, planes passing by, watch the vendors passing on the street, the school rickshaws/taxis, etc. I'm so happy she got to celebrate my favorite festival in my favorite city in the world!!!!

UBM Post 24 - Some more conversations with R

While driving to R's preschool, we drive by several traffic lights and a couple of stop signs. During summer, I keep the windows of the car open. R loves sticking her hand out the window and feeling the wind. She is still small and her carseat is not right at the edge, so only her palm sticks out (very safe). Every time I stop at the red light, she will say "Mumma, see, the wind is OFF. Now you drive mumma and the wind turn ON again. I love the wind.". It's okay that her reasoning is not quite there yet, but I'm glad she enjoys nature. She is always in tune with the weather, and notices when the wind pauses. She always talks about sunrise and sunset. She observes the clouds. And every single day, she will go out at night to see where the moon is and how big it is. Priceless indeed!

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At a birthday party last weekend, I was drinking Fanta. None of us consume soft drinks at home. So they are not found in the house. And R has never had them. She looked at my cup and said "Mumma what you drinking? I wanna try it". She took a sip. Hated it. And I asked her "R, how was it? This is called Fanta.". She tells me "Mumma I no like Fenta. It tastes like bubble bath" - LOL! Oh the analogy.....I would have never thought of that. But it made perfect sense.

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There are lots of friends who were recently pregnant or are currently pregnant. So the daughter now knows that when any aunty's belly starts becoming big, there is a baby inside. One day, I was explaining to her that she was inside mumma's tummy, and then she popped out....and then after her, Rusham was inside mumma's tummy and he popped out. So she tells me "Mumma, how bout I go inside your tummy again, NOW? I want to do it mumma, please help me" - LOL!

Everything needs to happen NOW - right there and then - in her view of life. It's taking the literal meaning of "living in the moment" and it always makes me pause and think - wish my thoughts were so pure and so simple like that. How stress free would that be? Forget practical or feasible, I'll take stress free instead.

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And this is not a conversation, but so much fun to watch. The son has mastered the pincer grasp, and loves picking up anything that we put on his high chair tray. The other day, he spilled water on the try, and immediately started trying to grasp it and was putting his finger in his mouth....after 3-4 tries, he realized it's not worth it, so dived right into splashing the water. Absolute fun to watch :)!

UBM Post 23 - Did you know?

Here are some fun facts about me :):

:: I am Claustrophobic - I get suffocated, irritated, frustrated, and fear I would die in confined places. Its unbearable for me.

:: I have Phthisiophobia (fear of TB (tuberculosis) ) - the reason being, I was diagnosed with borderline TB when I was a year old. That's why whenever I cough, my mom gets a panic attack. My coughs always last a month, sometimes more. I dread them.

:: I am getting over my Ophidiophobia - a fancy name for Snakophobia :). I used to get scared even by seeing a picture. And as luck would have it, we have them in our backyard, and all over town....and even though I'm still shit scared of them, I'm starting to accept their existence around me. I was thinking I'll go retire in Hawaii coz it used to be snake-free, but not anymore :(.

:: Mine and dad's birthday is exactly nine months apart. Wink Wink ;)

:: As a child, I wore t-shirts with "H A P P Y" written on them. I had them in all available colors in my closet. They were paired with shorts. The first time I was forced to wear a "frock", I profusely cried.

:: I hate eating out of a lunch box - I ate out of a lunch box throughout my school years at Mount Carmel, so I hate it now....I usually prefer to go home or eat out or eat in cafe...but not from a tiffin :(!

:: I was reading an article today on blood groups, and just realized: hubby, son, daughter and I - all four of us have different blood groups - WOW! (Here's the article: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-10339/5-things-you-need-to-know-about-your-blood-type.html)

:: When I came to the US, I did not know how to cook anything. I did not even know how many spoons of sugar my mom put in my milk every morning (I don't put any sugar now). And look how far I've come - a little bit of luck, interest, and persistence - this combination has paid off big time.

:: When I was a little over a year old, I was staying with my aunt in Baroda (with mom). They have a bookstore in the city area....a busy place in town. The store is right across a famous temple so it is very crowded during Aarti time. I was sitting there, along with my aunt, an employee, and this one guy who was slightly mad (that's how they referred him). And this guy asked me to come with him, and took me for a walk. And I don't know what happened (I'm assuming we lost our way?) but as it turned dark, he took me to the police station and handed me over as a lost child. In the meantime, my aunt realized I was gone, and sent someone to check if I went home (it was close by, walking distance, but I could not have gone alone). Everyone panicked when they found out I was missing....mom was crying at home, and after half an hour of searching, they decided to go to Police Station to file a complaint. And there I was, sitting on a chair, waiting for someone familiar to pick me up. Scary, huh :)?

UBM Post 22 - FaceBook

I had given up my smartphone in 2011 and much of 2012...and then after R Jr.'s birth, I decided to get one again for a variety of reasons. And FaceBook (FB) was NOT one of them.

However, I will admit. Now that I have the FB app on my iPhone, I check it several times a day. I don't go looking for anything in particular....but one mom's group that I am part of (a close-knit circle of 18 moms) uses FB as our primary mode of communication. Recently, I got added to an Indian Women Blogging group, and some of the stuff posted there is good too. If I get a personal message or a tag, I get an email notification so I don't have to open FB for it, which is how I like to keep it.

Beyond that, I put pictures of the food I cook. A LOT of people have told me in person that they love the new recipes I share, and have asked me to continue to do it. Some may think of it as show-off. Whereas for me, to be very candid, I do it for motivation. I love creating something new that the family will enjoy (mainly the kids) and that might benefit other folks too. It helps me to keep being innovative in the kitchen and not look at cooking as boring. When you spend so much time doing something every single day of your life, it better be appealing to you.

I also put up pictures of kids. Typically once a month. Now this I do for my extended family - cousins, nephews, nieces, uncles, aunts - who live all over the world...I've got relatives in UK, Aussie, Africa, Canada, and of course the US/India. It's good for them to see the kids growing up. When I happen to meet them, they are fairly up-to-date on their ages atleast :).

And since I love travel and photography, I have a lot of photographers on my news feed. It amazing to see their work every day. I get lots of travel tips too. My absolute favorite photographer (or photojournalist) is Steve McCurry. Check out his galleries here (http://stevemccurry.com/galleries) and the quotes he carefully chooses to go with each of them. Beyond Amazing! There are many others.....including a few friends who are very good at it.

And that's pretty much it. I only check the first page of my news feed and will 'like' something that pops up...a picture, a note, a quote, a status. I don't spend time to scroll down and catch up on things I've missed.

I also have a rule - I don't mindlessly browse FB when I'm around the children. This applies to laptop and iPad too. No TV either. It helps me focus on them and being tuned it to them which I feel is a must. I also observe all the little things they do, and usually have my camera out to capture all the precious moments.

I don't read blogs either from FB feeds. I reserve 5-10min chunks during my day at work to read blogs. It's usually more than enough. Before bedtime, I prefer to read a book. But gone are the days where I could read until the wee hours of morning...I decide a time limit and force myself to sleep after that.

The reason I thought of writing this down is because I saw many people from my friends' list making comments of quitting FB, or taking a break. I think it is easy to get addicted. And if you are, you MUST detach yourself. I routinely give it up....when I travel, I rarely check emails, forget FB. For this blog marathon, I scheduled the blog posts in advance for the 3 days I was traveling during the long weekend. Family time, reading time, travel time, quiet time, and work time - they are all sacred....and its best if you not let your social networking let it affect them.

On the flip side, FaceBook IS a social network. If you use it, then don't be judgmental of what people post. I used to get irked by a couple of things - 1. People putting pictures of their kids, spouses, pets, or something else as a profile picture. I always put only my picture.....coz someone from high school or college wanting to connect with me should recognise me. Afterall, it's my profile, not my family's. 2. People showing off by only posting when they travel and visit places. A lot of people do that. You never hear anything about their routine lives, but the moment they go out of town, they start posting details. Then again they disappear, until next time. Now, I'm amused by it. Does not affect me anymore. To each their own.

And last but not the least, one important tidbit - hubby does not use FB. Ramesh will say - a blessed soul, like himself :)....true to some extent, but not when every weekend, he asks me updates about "his" friends from school/college and his sister/nephew, wants to check pictures of their kids, wants me to remind him of their birthdays, and what not. Thankfully, they are just a few, and very nice people...so I don't mind the bugging from him :).

UBM Post 21 - Expressions

Got lucky with both kids having expressive faces, and beautiful smiles. They both went on hour long walks (one with grandpa, other with grandma - separately) today morning but returned together. The sister was playing with the brother in the front yard when I clicked this series of pictures :)....

Here's a couple collages of the daughter from the archives  - I had more free time then to keep clicking such shots - I never get tired of them - not yet anyway :)

While we were out, I caught the neighborhood kids gathering for their daily round of cricket. It's summer break so they usually play twice a day...both our kids love to hang out and watch.

And this is the reaction I got from her last night when I said she can have kulfi for dessert - her favorite :)

Checkout his reach - eyeing his pacifier on the table, holding tight, raised feet, standing tall - such a delight to watch!!!!

Fun, eh?

UBM Post 20 - This and That....

Random musings for today's post....you would think I would have much more time on weekends to blog but juggling takes a whole new level on weekends :).

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First a rant....

So today, we had invited a friend and his family to spend some time and have lunch with us from East Bay. I understand people with kids get late, but what I don't understand is when they only think from their end and forget about the person they are visiting and their convenience. This has happened so many times with me. Today, this friend was supposed to come around 11am, and they did not come until 1.15 or 1.30pm. Both kids eat before then, so they were fed, but then they also nap by 2.30....which means all of us have to get done with our lunch by then. But it did not happen. The whole afternoon was screwed up, and the kids got cranky. I wish they had come earlier and not showed up way past lunch time. They did stay post lunch until evening and we had some good conversations, so I'm glad it was not just a lunch visit and leaving soon after (that has happened before too).

A similar thing has happened during events that I have hosted. If I'm hosting, and you are my close friend, then show up on time. Whether I have requested for help from you or not, if you respect me and my relationship, and you have RSVP'ed to attend, then do not plan other stuff during that time - block it - and be there in a timely manner. It bugs me when people show up late just to have a meal. It is becoming all too common these days...you go to a party just to eat, and not care much about socializing with the host or other friends. A little bit of that might be acceptable, but if everywhere you go that's how you behave...I pity your life.

TV in the background - if you have invited me, especially with my kids....then please don't keep the TV on in the background. And if you are keen on watching your show and can't miss it, I'll be happy to leave. This happens more in India than in the US. During my recent trip back home, my husband visited our hometown only for a couple of days. In that short time, we made an effort to visit a few close relatives. We went to my aunt's house (after calling and making sure it was okay to visit) and every single family member was focused on the serial. It was so insulting and rude....when the break came, they would mute and talk to us, and then back to their serial. We stayed for 25 mins and left....and I'm sure they were happy to be able to concentrate on their show without having to entertain anyone.

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Mum n I made Khandvi today....everyone in the house loves it....probably the healthiest Gujju appetizer - did not click a picture of how its served - decorated with fresh shredded coconut, grilled peppers and cilantro leaves, but here's one of the process :)....

And the dessert of the year this summer is Homemade Kulfi - with saffron, crushed almonds-cashews-pistachios....so so yummy!

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Bubble bath the other day went amazing - we got some more bottles of bubble soap since we have many days of summer ahead...

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And when I'm playing with the son, the BEST part is to observe him trying to grab a toy that went underneath a piece of furniture or a room door...it's hilarious...see the series of pictures below :). He is SO persistent.....and SO cute.....I could watch him do this all day long! Absolutely melts my heart and takes my stress away....

So tell me, would you mind witnessing such goodness all day long :)?

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And lastly, this picture is such a illusion....this camaraderie lasted only for 5 mins....since the cart was new to them. After that, there was hair pulling, pinching, hitting and crying involved. I'll take the 5 minutes for now though....only hoping it increases in time slowly :)  

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That's all for today :)! Adios!

UBM Post 19 - Fire on the mountain, Run Run Run!

This one was a close call. Terrifying and frightening.

We had a grass fire today.....very very close to our home. It charred 40 acres and came threateningly close to many homes. They were lots and lots of fire personnel, helicopters and air tankers all out on the scene to contain it.

Here is the news story:
http://www.thepresstribune.com/article/fire-burning-near-highway-50-e-bidwell-street-folsom

I was working from home today, and a friend of mine pinged me at work to let me know that our house could  be in danger. {I have to ask this person how they get such news so quickly....coz all the time, such bad news comes from their end. They are also superstitious - the couple I mean - and I have my own opinions (not too positive) about people who believe too much in all that}.

I went out into the backyard and saw helicopters hovering over the house. So I drove out in the car and within a couple of minutes, I could see the hills on the other side of the freeway all burnt. There were a couple of fire department vehicles where I was parked and they were being vigilant about our side of the freeway. They didn't want another fire starting at our end. It was a bit scary talking to them about how close the fire got to the homes.

I took some pictures on my iPhone....in the first picture, the homes on the right is our community....

See how close the fire was....jeez so scary....

I came back home and alerted the husband about it. He faced delays on his drive back from work.

It also made me pause and think - what would I take with me if I was told to evacuate and if our house was going to burn down? Ofcourse, evacuate ourselves at any cost....but if we had a little bit of time, what would I take? We keep our passports, jewelry, etc in the safe deposit box, so that would not be an issue. I guess I would quickly pack the gadgets...especially this one backup hard drive that has all my digital data. Some clothes. Few essentials for kids. Some food. We have a medical kit in the car so would not need that.

I spent some time reviewing the government guidelines on responding to emergencies and how to build an emergency kit for disasters (www.ready.gov).

I'm so grateful that no one was affected by this fire. This is the third fire in our area this summer. Last weekend, there was a fire on Intel campus that burnt many solar panels on site. It did not affect any operation but did major damage. The hot, dry weather is acting as a catalyst to grass fires this year. Hope we see some rain soon!

Too close a call...and glad to be safe!!!!

UBM Post 18 - Sometimes, plans go awry...such is life!

When I go to bed each day, I spend a few minutes recollecting a few things for which I was grateful that day. It's usually never more than 5...I quietly thank God for them, kiss my babies, and listen to my breath for a couple of minutes before falling asleep. I'm always dead tired by the time I do this and it takes me less than 5 minutes to fall asleep.

However, some days, I take stress with me to bed. And last night was a perfect example of why I (or anyone else) should not be doing that. EVER.

Today, I had an all day review meeting planned at work....and I was not stressed about my content being reviewed (as it has been reviewed several times before and due to the nature of my work, I'm usually very thorough in what I do, can go into the minutest detail even if woken up from deep sleep), but I was very stressed about getting to the meeting on time.

You see, the daughter is in her terrible two's. She wakes up a happy kid, and spends some great moments with me and her brother, but then she turns into a grumpy, wailing toddler. Potty is a tantrum. Brushing is a tantrum. Breakfast is a tantrum. Getting dressed is a tantrum. Picking the right shoes to wear is a tantrum. No matter how early we wake her up, we can never guarantee when we will be able to leave the house and when I will reach work. I have a flexibility arrangement in place at work due to this (as very soon, I will be dropping off two kids, not one) but there are times like today when I HAVE to reach on time.

So bedtime last night was rough. We started at 9.30pm but she only went to bed at 11pm. Right then, I was sooper stressed about morning. And then, at 2am, she woke up. Not only did she wake up, she started screaming on top of her voice for unknown reasons (and this is another habit she has picked up which irks all of us)....and as a result, she woke up the baby too. Now if I would have nursed him for 5 mins, he would go back to sleep. But she would not let me do it. She kept on screaming, started pulling my clothes, my arms, and it made me so angry (remember, I was woken up from a deep sleep too) that I spanked her. Not hard, but I could not control :(.

Have you ever spanked your child? What do you think of it? I personally don't consider it to be okay....and try to control as much as possible. However, rarely, like last night, I lose control and end up spanking. There's lots of room for improvement in this area for me. Having said that, the daughter is extremely strong willed and hyper sensitive. Timeouts don't work with her. Firm talk does not work with her. She can argue so well even at this young age, it amazes me. So, the more I think, I feel LOVE and KINDNESS is the only thing that will work with her.

Spanking only angers her more (I think its obvious) so she started screaming louder and louder. The husband was still working (yes, at 2am - and I have no idea why - it's rare for him to do so) so he came in and tried to calm her down. But no, she only wanted her mumma. He was trying to get her to be quiet and then he threatened her with a timeout which I knew was very very wrong, so I asked him to leave the room, and picked her up, and HUGGED her really TIGHT. My connection with her with surreal....she stopped screaming instantly and calmed down. I brought the son to my lap too, and they both cuddled and we three just sat there, in silence, for a few minutes. I then laid them down on the bed, one of either side of me. I told her I would nurse Rusham, and she agreed. She just put her arm on my tummy and drifted off to sleep. She was over the impulse that made her angry and scream, and was tired too. I nursed the baby and gave him to his dad who put him to sleep in 5 minutes.

And the story does not end here, unfortunately :(. She woke up again at 5.30am, and for an hour, she kept asking me to get cozy with her (which I was doing but not to her satisfaction I guess) and finally, at 6.30am, hubby took her out of the bedroom to put her to sleep somewhere else. Well, she never really slept after that.

I woke up being so bummed about how the night went. It was not because I didn't sleep well, but because she didn't. And today is the first day she was going to be at preschool all day, which meant she would have to nap there as well. (My all day meeting meant I would not be able to pick her up and did not have anyone else lined up to do so). She did fine....slept some, but I'm sure not peaceful. I'm sure she has forgotten everything about what happened at night, how her day went, etc and here I am, brooding over it in this long post.

Anyway, the night and the day are behind us now....and I look forward to a fun evening with her - we are BAKING :)! She loves helping me with baking, and she also loves sharing our baked goodies with our friends/neighbors. Soooooooo looking forward to it!!!! Maybe we'll also do bubble bath tonight....she loves it immensely and will feel so good....after all, I love my girl immensely!!!!

UBM Post 17 - Playing dress up

Mom-dad decided to surprise me and the daughter when we went home for lunch.  They dressed up this gentle child of mine in a beautiful yellow frock....the look made complete with a cute ponytail, in a matching hairband......ain't he just the cutest thing on earth :) :)?

Oh how delighted I was.....and for a second, I wished I had two daughters....how much fun would that be :).

It was such a different feeling.....seeing him crawl around in his dress....it made me so nostalgic of the daughter at his age, which was not too long ago!

As it turns out, both kids were wearing matching yellow frocks - and I HAD to click a picture to capture this precious memory :)!

I would like to profusely thank maa and paa for not just this moment, but for all the smiles they bring on my children's faces, and the joy they bring into their lives, day after day. They are upset if the kids don't sleep or eat well. They are upset if they can't take them out for their morning walk. They don't like it when the daughter is scolded or given a timeout. They never let me give leftovers to the kids. Mom wakes up earlier than me every single day to make a fresh meal for the daughter's lunch box. {I do that when she is not there but I take the liberty to sleep in while she is around}.

They could very well be enjoying their retired life to do things on their bucket list, chilling out and traveling the world. Instead, they are choosing to give me the most precious gift - the gift of their time - and for that (and much much more), I will forever be grateful to them!

UBM Post 16 - Little somethings....

The joy of having an almost 3 year old who loves to chat non-stop, and showers you with compliments throughout the day through her out-of-this-world observations is unparalleled!

On Sunday, we got dressed up to go to a birthday party of an adorable 2-year old. I had picked up a new pair of shoes (black ballet flats from Kenneth Cole) on Saturday and wore them for the party. As soon as we entered the garage to leave and I put on the new shoes, she says "Mumma such cute shoes - I like it soooooooo much" :)! {I told my hubby, see, I don't really miss your lack of verbal appreciation these days :)}

Today morning, at school dropoff, I had to convey something important to the teacher in the 2 mins I get before saying bye. The daughter thought I'm going to leave without giving her a hug so she promptly interrupted my conversation with her teacher and said "Mumma I'm going to miss you soooooooooo much. You come pick me up at 12 O'clock....I'll be waiting for you" - awwwww awwwww my darling, I wish I never had to leave her anywhere :)!

Every morning, she will announce "Rusham is my bhailu. I love him sooooooooooo much. I share all my toys with Rusham." - Even if the statement only holds true for the next 5 minutes, I like the fact that she thinks about him positively every morning and actually, cherishes his presence in our lives. She is also possessive about him and ensures we don't leave him with anyone if we are out and about. The hitting still continues due to her terrible mood swings, but the good times last much longer these days, and things are definitely getting better, not worse, so that makes me very hopeful for the future :)!

I have an iPal - it's a speaker set in the shape of an Intel bunny.....it was lying dormant in the house for a long time, and hubby brought it back to life couple days ago. The daughter's favorite thing to do before bedtime now is to plug the iphone to the iPal and listen to music. Today, she kept asking me, "mumma where is the pleasure? I need my pleasure" and I had no idea what she wanted. Then she brought the iphone and asked me "mumma I put phone to pleasure and listen to song" - that's when my tubelight turned on and I asked hubby to get her iPal for her. And now the funny part - she says, "mumma see when I put iphone on iPal, it farts" - LOL! Sure enough, there was a loud static noise when she connected the two and sounded like farting :)....she did it a few more times to give us some good laughs!

Pretend play is at its peak. She tied mom's dupatta around her in such a way that she had a tail, and pretended to be a monkey hopping around. While eating fryums, she will bite them to create different shapes and make a game out of them. Her three favorite plush toys - pocoyo, dolly and baby - are always with her, she being their mumma. Baby is always sleeping so we are instructed several times to talk softly :). Much to our delight, she has now started to sleep on her own toddler bed (which we have setup right next to our master bed, as an extension) with all her babies :). She was on a long walk with us the other day and was trying to figure out shapes from the runoff of the water sprinklers (as I said earlier, her observations are bang on). She also checks for the sun and moon everyday, and tells me that she sees a rabbit on the moon (do most of us see a rabbit? I always did since I was her age...and I find it fascinating that she has the same observation).

Here is a collage of my sweetie pie from this weekend's outing....some walking, some dancing, some goofing around with the monster mask, and a new type of smile exclaiming surprise!

And what about the son? Well, for me, he is my calm in the storm. My peace in my busyness. My gentle soul, who is soooooooooooooooo chubbylicious that I feel like gobbling him up the moment I see him! I am his most favorite person, how I lurrrrve that. Today, he had the patience to let me finish reading an entire book to him - this has never happened before...hopefully a good trend is emerging :)!

On the weekend, he got fed up at the party coz he could not crawl. As soon as we got back home, he went to one of his favorite spots in the house - the play kitchen, and started throwing things from the sink to the floor, eating some, pushing some, crawling around....and simply enjoying himself.

He's 10 months old already.....less than 2 months to a YEAR - where has the time gone? Can't wait for hubby's leave to start in a couple of weeks and taking things slowly until his birthday!!!!

And while we are at it, here's a little something I sent to hubby today morning via email.....

His response - a hindi song....can you guess which one :)?

UBM Post 15 - Bootcamp update

So this Pooh ain't getting unfatter :(.....

The month long bootcamp that I signed up for will be over this week, and I've been able to go to it only 5 times so far.....am terribly bummed about it :(

So what happened?

Well, the first two weeks were great. I was able to go twice each week. Then, we had a week of rain, and the camp happens at the park at odd hours, so had to stay indoors and skip it. It was also the long weekend week, and we had our trip to the Eastern Sierras planned. We did a lot of walking, hiking during our trip, and it was equivalent to 2 bootcamp sessions by itself. So I can count week 3 as success.

Week 4 was last week, and I was just not feeling good. The daughter started preschool and now that one week has passed by, I'm realizing that I was very stressed about it. I was also very tired from the travel and had to simply let my body rest.

One thing I have to always remember for myself is that my primary goal in life right now is to feed the baby. To produce close to a liter of milk each day is no mean task. If I get dehydrated or don't eat enough, the milk supply tanks. The baby gets irritated, and now that he is teething, the biting begins....OUCH, it hurts so bad! Working full time, two very young and demanding children, parents, a home to take care of - it IS very overwhelming, and the last thing I need is to fall sick or injure myself by being careless. So, I skipped week 4.

Now one more week is left....and I think I should be able to sneak in a couple of sessions, if not more.

Why bootcamp? I just needed some program to get me back into the exercise routine. And this seemed appealing and appeared at the right time. The gyms are full of sweaty people who pound away on those machines which repel me. I've gone to the gym for 15 years now but have never done many machines. I do these same kind of bootcamp exercises there too, then why not do it outdoors in a green, peaceful setting where you have the company of birds chirping, children playing, dogs playing fetch, the clouds passing by, and a gentle breeze whisking away your sweat :).

I think of exercise as spending time with myself, and my body. After two pregnancies, I have even more respect for our amazing bodies. Just think about our heart - it starts beating from Day 22 of fertilization of embryo and keeps beating continuously till we breathe our last. The least we can do is to keep our body well nourished and conditioned. Deep breaths are so so good for you....not overrated at all. Yoga (not Bikram or the other new fads but basic moves) is also very good for you. Anytime you slow down and pause your thoughts enough to notice your breathing pattern, it's good for you.

And what you do in bootcamp? You start with a run/jog around the park to warm up your muscles and bring up your heart rate, followed by some stretching. You then jump into the exercises one after the other, using your own body weight for most of them, and you do them in a circuit with minimum time interval between each set.

The exercises are:

:: lots of squats - regular, knee highs, jumping jacks, etc.
:: lunges - reverse lunges are tough
:: burpees (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burpee_(exercise)
:: mountain climbers (I hate these)
:: Pushups
:: Situps
:: Planks and crunches for abs (bicycle crunch is a surprise - it looks so easy but is brutal)
:: Jump rope (I can do 500 as of now; with stops, not continuous)

And a few more that I don't remember the names of.

It's an intense energy-boosting 45 minute workout and is guaranteed to make you feel sore. Stretching is a must post-workout and throughout the day. I've only lost 3 lbs so far, and that's because I am not dieting at all. If I could reduce my daily calorie intake and increase my workouts to 4 per week, I would see major weight/inch loss. But as I mentioned earlier, this is not the time I can do such things. So I have to be patient and wait.

Bootcamps typically cost a lot. It's a small group setting with a personal trainer (and I lucked out with a really good one) but I had bought one of those groupon deals for $25, and it was a steal.

Do try it out if you get a chance....and go at your own pace, I'm sure you will enjoy it!

UBM Post 14 - From the backyard....

When we were looking for a house to buy, many people suggested we should buy a property according to all the Vastu Shastra rules....but I had my own simple rules to go by:

- The house needed to be well lit (from sunlight) and airy, with lots of windows

- The kitchen should have a window

- The kitchen, master bed, and dining/living areas should get the morning sun.

- The house should have a small garden. 

And a few others. When we saw this house, it met all the above criteria, and then some. 

We get the morning sun in the kitchen, dining and master bedroom and what a blessing it is! Here is a panoramic view of this area, at 7 am today morning!

That also means that we do not get the strong evening sun (remember, 5 pm is peak temperature of the day for us) in these areas....including the backyard. So every summer evening, all of us spend most of our time in the backyard.....it's always shaded, pleasant and so green.....

And more often than not, the sky lights up like it did a couple of days ago....and the daughter was constantly observing the clouds changing colors from yellow to orange to red.....

What a terrific mood changer this scene is, isn't it? 

The high's these days are close to 100F everyday, so the roses have all wilted.....

But the daffodils are still around....

And so are these beautiful purple/blue flowers....I don't know their name, do you? They can found all over in our area...need to ask around, some gardener should know....

Also pleasing to the eye is this colorful foliage....

Everyday, the daughter would go near the lemon tree and check the size of the lemons....

We finally harvested a few of them....can't wait to use them on grilled corn, along with butter and pepper :)

Next year, we plan to build a small vegetable/fruit bed for the daughter with all of her favorite fruits and vegetables planted, and will let her take the lead in doing most of the work. She will be old enough to be patient in understanding the process and will be able to somewhat help too! Looking forward to it :)!

Until then, we'll enjoy the awesome vegetable produce from the local Indian store....this is what my dad and hubby brought yesterday - looking at it makes me think of all the yummy possibilities in the kitchen :)!