Sr. R update

This space is my comfort zone. Not many in my day to day circle know that I blog, and I hope it remains that way. As long as I'm not discussing what I wrote here in personal life, I'm fine. I need this space and that space to be separate, for my sanity.

The last I posted about the kids was in my new year post. 

So let's begin with 2019.....

At the beginning of this year, the daughter was in 2nd grade, and she had an easy year, and a mellow teacher. I had some concerns with her progress, but in hindsight, as I write this today, I am SO glad she had the year she did. Her teacher was very kind and loving, a bit forgetful and not on top of things all the time, but it was only 2nd grade....the daughter had the best year socially and emotionally. 

She loved playing basketball through spring, continued her swim/kathak/keyboard lessons, and spent a part of her summer break at our local gym, where they learnt so many new games, sports skills, team building aspects, and in general, had an active TV free time. It was her first summer break going to a proper summer camp, and I'd say it was pretty good. 

We took the kids to Yosemite during Spring break. If you ever want to visit this gorgeous paradise on earth, early Spring is THE BEST time. The waterfalls are at their roaring best, there is greenery all around, and there are far less crowds than summer/fall time. We had booked a heated cabin right in the valley, under half dome - we were 7 people in one cabin, and we had the best time at the perfect location. 

The mist trail in Yosemite is the most popular trail - the hike starts at the Happy Isles Trail head, climbs up to Vernal Falls, then Nevada Falls, and then continues to the iconic Half Dome. We took the kids all the way upto Nevada Falls - I was very proud of them because its a tough trail, misty (that's how it gets its name) with patches of snow when we went, and quite a bit of elevation gain. The kids were champs!!

The next day, we took up another challenging trail to upper Yosemite falls - we couldn't go all the way to the top as its a pretty long and tough hike, but we climbed enough to get fantastic views and a great workout. 

We also went to Bridalveil falls where we all got drenched while soaking in the beauty and the roar - these falls have a very small window during the year where they are full, and we went at the perfect time to experience it. 

When I came to US in Jan 2000, Yosemite was the first national park I visited during Spring break of 2000, and I did the mist trail to Nevada Falls back then for the first time. It was a nostalgic and memorable trip for me this time, being able to experience it again with the kids and husband after all these years. 

In July, we took another road trip to the Pacific North West, driving from Folsom to Vancouver through central Oregon and Washington, and covering the Oregon Pacific coast on the way back. I will do a separate post on it, but it was SO BREATHTAKING and memorable. This was our third national park road trip in a row, having done Death Valley and Zion last November during Thanksgiving break. It's a bit more work for husband n I to plan and execute these trips, but these are the kinds of experiences I dig and cherish, so the extra effort is worth it. 

In August, kids started the new academic year. For the first time, they are now at the same school so one pickup and one drop-off for us HURRAY!! 

The daughter has a Gujarati teacher (Ms. Patel) this year....she was pretty excited to be in her class. She's been okay so far - I won't write much here as this is a public domain, but it's going to be an interesting year for me as a parent. But school is school, and she is only in 3rd grade, and I try not to take too much stress about academics at this point.

She took a break from soccer last year but is back at it this year. She's not great at it, but I love that soccer forces us to get outdoors on the field three times a week, and gives her much needed outdoor exercise as well as team playing skills. She continues her swim (she is at comp level), she did competitive basketball tryouts and got selected so basketball comp training just started this past Sunday, and she also started vocal singing lessons with her brother. We've taken a break from Kathak as we tried 2 teachers so far, and both got pregnant and stopped teaching. At this point, there is no activity other than soccer that I have to drive them separately for, and that has been a big blessing for us in terms of logistics. 

Arts, Sciences and Sports are the three top things she loves. Although she says she is not fond of dancing, after every performance on stage, she asks me when is the next one? The social aspect of hanging out with girlfriends, listening to new songs and learning a choreographed routine brings joy to her....

She is also a big foodie, and given a choice, would spend all her free (or busy ;)) time in the kitchen. She loves chopping vegetables, running the juicer, adding spices to curries that we cook - I want to take her interest to the next level in 2020 and teach her a few basic recipes that she can independently cook. Her top choice is brownies :). But we will add in some healthy items too. 

Oh, she is also now into Harry Potter. We are taking it slowly, she is yet to watch the movies, but she has the entire set, and will slowly finish it. We are going to London next summer, so Potter world is on the list to visit for her. I can't wait for her brother to join her in a year or so.....and we will become Potter maniac household for few years. 

By the grace of God and blessings of everyone around us, she is growing up happy and healthy!!

1st day of Kindergarten....

Kindergarten - WOW!!!

The kiddo started Kindergarten today. Bye Bye Preschool - Hello Elementary!!!!

After a lot of stress and anxiety over which school to choose, and a lot of politics+shaming by Indian parents in my network, I decided to change her school last minute. As a result, she is going to a school where none of her preschool friends are. We did a play date with a couple of her new kinder friends last week....and at her age, I can safely say she will make new friends as time goes by.

I was extremely anxious and nervous, but the kiddo did great this morning. She woke up early, was well rested, ate her breakfast like a champ, and made no fuss about her clothes or shoes.

At drop off, she mingled with friends, and got introduced to her teachers.

When I called at lunch time to check on her, the principal reported that she was doing just fine.

She just turned 5 years old a few days ago, and that makes her one of the youngest in her class. But there is no lack of self-esteem, and she is more than ready to tackle kindergarten!!

As her mom, I will always be her advocate, and confidante! I will help her not only with her curriculum, but also with social and emotional issues as she navigates her years at school.

Wishing my growing superstar, and sweet, sweet girl a great year at school! Our love and blessings are always with you!!

On forgiveness

Last night, I lost my temper on my daughter.

She was out for a walk with her brother and daddy, and while they were away, I put some glue+glitter on a small card she had made for her friend (it was a rainbow). She had been asking me to help her with glitter on this card since a couple of days now, so I wanted to surprise her when she came back from her walk.

I had just left the card to dry on the kitchen counter, and it had a lot of excess glitter that needed to be shaken off into the dust bin before she could 'mail' it in an envelope to her friend.

The kiddo came back home and walked straight to where the card was, and before I had any time to react, dumped the entire thing on the floor.

On the other hand, the son was crying profusely coz he fell on the concrete right outside our main door.

It was all a bit too much for me to take in, and when I saw the entire kitchen floor covered in glitter, I simply lost it. I got angry, upset, held her roughly and sent her to the bedroom, and yelled at her. I did not hit her (thank god) nor did I physically abuse her in any way. But you can say I verbally abused her, which is worse, right?

I felt guilty all evening. I cleaned the floor, I cooked food, I got them dressed after their bath, and got them ready for bedtime.

And when in bed, I told the daughter: "I'm sorry. Mumma got very upset at you. It won't happen again. I got angry when you spilled glitter. Please ask me before you touch something I've done next time."

You know what she told me? She said: "Mumma, it's okay. Sometimes you can get angry at me. I forgive you. I am sorry too, for spilling. I love you a lot."

Gosh - I got so emotional. Those were very wise words, coming from a 4 year old. She had true forgiveness and love for me written all over her face, and in her eyes. We connected, and we understood each other - that meant the most to me in the world. A real lesson on forgiveness....

Meanwhile, the son was a mute spectator....while I yelled at the daughter, and also while this apology discussion was happening.

And he quietly chimed in: "Mumma I'm sorry too".
I asked: "Why are you sorry?"
And he said: "Because I fell down and got booboo on head."

We all burst out laughing. And we had our nightly tickling session. And we drifted off to sleep, snuggled tight with each other!!!!

Last Friday....

Fridays are always busy for me, and this one was no different. After a day filled with  meetings at work, I picked up the son from his daycare, and waited for the husband to arrive home before leaving to pick up the daughter from her preschool.

She was playing outside with her friends, with leaves and twigs. Play and friends - the two most important things for a preschooler. So inspite of being late, I did not rush her. When she was done, she happily came to me and hopped in to the car seat. Much better than trying to pull her out of her play and dealing with a tantrum during the drive :).

We reached the church in about 15 minutes....and were greeted to some Mozart playing in the background. We quickly found our friends, and the daughter got into action.

We were there to feed the homeless - a social event held by the church every second Friday of the month. There were all kinds of people - young, old, children, disabled, poor, sick. Pizzas and treats were already served, so we started helping out with grocery distribution. The daughter and I were giving away Cereal boxes, and since we had limited supply, we were only allowed to distribute one per person.

It seemed like Cereal, among other things like cookies, pasta sauce, etc. was the hot item that day. I think Cereal has become such a versatile staple.....you can't do without it. Its easy, can be consumed with or without milk, and does not go bad for months. I do not bring any kind of cereal to our house, because they are all heavily processed, and laden with sugar as well as salt. But even with the homeless, I was happy to see many people checking out the label on the boxes, and many asking me which one was the healthiest. The Kashi blueberry granola clusters was the most healthiest option, and we ran out of it quickly.

The daughter also got to interact with a little girl, almost her age. It was all new for her, but she had blended in seamlessly, and was not bothered at all to be in a room full of strangers, and strange-looking people. My friend A and I were amazed.

Since we reached a little late, we were only there for about 90 minutes. The daughter helped cleaned up (the only thing left on the grocery table was cookies) and as we headed out, I realized that someone was actually playing all the beautiful tunes behind the piano. The music kept the whole atmosphere so lively, and gave a whole new feel to the place. So thankful for this person to be volunteering that day!

I was most interested in the daughter's questions that would follow post this experience. She asked me why these people did not have homes, or money to buy food. Where they lived? What they did? Whether the kids went to school, or to swimming classes, or Taekwondo?

When a friend of ours visited us over the weekend, I had her describe our experience to him, and her answers amazed me. She UNDERSTOOD. It was a profound as well as proud moment for me!

The daughter was a very fussy eater as an infant and toddler, but she has made a complete U-turn. From never wanting to eat....even with videos shown to her, she eats everything that's offered to her. She insists on NO TV during her meals, and she understands why it is important to not leave leftovers on the plate. I only hope this positive trend continues......forever :D!

It was a Friday evening....very well spent!!!

{I did not feel appropriate to take pictures, and I think I made the right call.}

My biggest fan

Today morning, she said "Mom, your earrings look like Candy".

Last week, she said "Mumma, your shoes are so cute."

The week before, she said "Mummy, I love your dress".

At bedtime, she invariably says "Mumma I love you sooooooooo much".

Every morning, she wants to put lip-guard and a dash of my body spray. She says "Mumma I want to look just like you :)".

When I cook her favorite meal, she says "Mumma, this is yummy in R's tummy".

When I occasionally find time to blow dry and style my hair, she says "Mumma your hair is so straight, I like it so much". I always reciprocate "you have beautiful curls".

Hubby leaves early for work, and I used to miss him in the mornings when I got ready. There was no one to comment on my appearance. But now, I look forward to dressing up and wait for a compliment from the kiddo :).

Often, after she sleeps, I will kiss her. More than once. And often, she smiles at me in her sleep. She knows I'm there, and she loves the touch. Her favorite thing to do is sleep on my arm, cuddled into my body, gently being massaged, and being kissed once she drifts into deep sleep.

She loves to give tighty-tight hugs.

I love having a child who loves to express, and makes me feel so good, every single day.

I am grateful, and I am blessed, to have her as my daughter (and my biggest fan). Love you betu!!!!

UBM Post 17 - Playing dress up

Mom-dad decided to surprise me and the daughter when we went home for lunch.  They dressed up this gentle child of mine in a beautiful yellow frock....the look made complete with a cute ponytail, in a matching hairband......ain't he just the cutest thing on earth :) :)?

Oh how delighted I was.....and for a second, I wished I had two daughters....how much fun would that be :).

It was such a different feeling.....seeing him crawl around in his dress....it made me so nostalgic of the daughter at his age, which was not too long ago!

As it turns out, both kids were wearing matching yellow frocks - and I HAD to click a picture to capture this precious memory :)!

I would like to profusely thank maa and paa for not just this moment, but for all the smiles they bring on my children's faces, and the joy they bring into their lives, day after day. They are upset if the kids don't sleep or eat well. They are upset if they can't take them out for their morning walk. They don't like it when the daughter is scolded or given a timeout. They never let me give leftovers to the kids. Mom wakes up earlier than me every single day to make a fresh meal for the daughter's lunch box. {I do that when she is not there but I take the liberty to sleep in while she is around}.

They could very well be enjoying their retired life to do things on their bucket list, chilling out and traveling the world. Instead, they are choosing to give me the most precious gift - the gift of their time - and for that (and much much more), I will forever be grateful to them!

Rusham!

The much-awaited surprise has finally arrived! Meet Rusham, my son :)!

Rusham is pronounced as "Ru-shum" - it's a hindu name and it means 'peaceful'. So far, my little man has totally lived up to his name. He brings so much serenity into our lives. All the anxiety and worry that I was experiencing in the past few weeks has disappeared. I love hugging him, kissing him, cuddling him, taking in all his newborn smell, and just gazing at him while he sleeps.... occasionally flashing that dazzling smile which can never be captured by the camera!

Even though I did not know for 9 months whether I was having a son or daughter, it feels I knew him all along. To experience a baby inside of you - moving when you sing or pat your belly, nudging you with his arms and kicking you with his legs, hiccuping, waking up suddenly when you drink something cold or sugary - it's something that is best experienced rather than being described in words. The mother already has a strong relationship established with the baby, even before birth...and it does not matter to her whether she knows the sex of her child or not.

I had a very painful labor - as long as my labor with my daughter - and this time around, with my doula's help, I went through it without epidural. An hour before birth, to help me wait for the doctor coz she was busy delivering another baby, I took a little bit of pain medication which provided relief for about 45 minutes....and by the time its effect wore off, I was ready to push the baby out. It was a day when hospital rooms were full (I was told to wait a couple of hours at home so that I would not have to wait in the hospital lobby) and the OB/GYN was sooper busy. In contrast, when my daughter was born, I was the only patient in the entire maternity ward.

Inspite of the 25+ hours of painful labor, I enjoyed this birth experience thoroughly. I knew what to expect, I was mentally prepared, I had my doula to help me push through, and I had my regular OB/GYN on call that day to deliver my baby. As soon as he was born, they laid him on my chest, and I held on to him (skin-to-skin) for a couple of hours, before they took him to do his first bath and check his vital signs. The moment when you first look at your baby is magical.....it feels out of this world (even though just moments ago all you could think of is the acute pain).

Rusham shares his birthday with my late grandma. She was my only grandparent that was alive since I was born. She lived with us for 20 years. While growing up, I shared my bedroom with her. She passed away a month after I came to the US, and I have nothing but fond and precious memories of all the time I spent with her. It feels special that he chose to arrive on her birthday....whenever I see him, I get reminded of 'baa', who I loved a lot.

So now I have a son, and a daughter - I feel immensely grateful and blessed. All I wish is for my children to be happy and healthy. May my ability to love surpass my desire to be loved. I know that there is no one way to be the perfect mother, but there are infinite ways to be a good one - so may I always be able to offer the best I can to my children.

I hope Ruhi and Rusham grow up to become each other's best friends. I hope they find a sense of belonging and security in each other, and a confidence that their bond is stronger than the rest of the world. I hope they always have this feeling in their heart that if everything else goes away.....we'll still have each other.

As for me, I'm just grateful to be their mom.....I love them both gazillion infinite much!

Daughters are Precious!

The much-hyped Aamir show "Satyamev Jayate" made its debut yesterday in India. I had heard about it from various sources, but I don't watch any TV, so I never made any plans of watching it. Also, we don't get any Hindi channels at home (we have no cable TV, only few local US channels mainly for news) so I was not sure if I would have access to it anytime soon.

However, today morning, I read this status message from my cousin on FB: "Satyamev Jayate - making money of others miseries?". I respect Aamir, and this negative message (along with the responses to it) made me curious. I found a link to the entire episode on YouTube and decided to watch it when hubby n kiddo were happily taking their afternoon nap :).

Well - I loved the show. It touched on a subject (female feticide and infanticide) that I feel very strongly about. I have blogged about it here earlier. I loved the three women that were chosen to share their story with the country. The statistics, the sting operation in Rajasthan, the input from the lawyer, the other issues that crop up years later because of this core issue - the whole case, I feel, was presented in a very beautiful way.

My mom has seven sisters - they are a total of 8 sisters. No brothers. My mom's mom passed away soon after giving birth to her 8th (and last daughter). I'm sure my mom's dad had a hell of a time raising 8 daughters. But he took care of all of them very well. The younger ones even went to college (the older ones were pushed to study but dropped out of school at various points). I see the bond between my mom and her siblings, and its so amazing. They are always there for each other, no matter what. Recently, when my mom met with an accident, her sisters came and took care of her even before she asked for help. Had these been 8 brothers, there would be many more fights in the family and much more disharmony.

My dad's mom - my grandma - loved daughters too. My sister and I were always favored over our cousins who were boys. Females in my family are respected, and treasured. My sister and I were raised no less than boys - we played sports, we did extra-curricular activities, we excelled in studies. Our parents invested everything they had into our nurturing and education. I remember many relatives raising eyebrows when my parents (especially my mom) agreed to let me come to the US to pursue higher education.

Having grown up in such an environment, I never realized for the longest time how bad things can be for girls or their parents. My first-hand experience happened when I got pregnant with my daughter and found out that I was having a girl. I was over-the-moon, but the responses of certain Indian people were disgusting, to say the least. Aborting a fetus just because it's a girl is the biggest crime you can commit. You are not only killing a life, you are damaging that woman for life. And you have no idea of the extent of damage that has been done. Repercussions last a lifetime.

I could go on for hours on this subject, but readers of this blog don't need my lecture. However, about the show, I feel Aamir is doing the right thing. I don't care how much money he makes from the show, or how his wife was treated by her ex (there are messages floating around attacking his personal life too). I applaud him for bringing such crucial issues to the nation's attention, and raising much-needed awareness about them. I am sure actions will be taken, and things will improve - slowly, steadily, and surely. I will support him in whatever way I can - the first thing I did was sent my support to the letter he is writing for a fast-track court to adjudicate all the crime cases in Rajasthan.

Even if one doctor is put behind the bars for illegally aborting female fetuses, even if one woman who watches the show finds the courage to prevent an unwilling abortion, even if one girl child who is not treated equally and fairly in her family starts receiving equal love, then this show has succeeded in its mission.

Another very important point that one of the ladies on the show made was: "Atyachaar karna hi nahi, sehna bhi paap hai"! I cannot stress enough on this point - we are always 50% responsible if something untoward happens to us. But for women to find the courage to speak up, to run away from abusers, to stop getting pregnant again and again - they need to start being self-sufficient, and stop being dependent. My mom always told me - Never be dependent on your spouse financially. She quit her job once she got married, and even though my dad is not one of those men who treated her poorly (it was quite the opposite and I vouch for that), she feels she should have continued working at least part time, or gone back to work after we were older. She drilled it into our heads to always work hard, and not only be independent, but also contribute financially towards running a household, and be equal in all respects. My sister and I took her advice to heart and followed it.

I treasure my daughter. Look at her smile - so so adorable! And the sparkle in her eyes - so precious!

Did you watch the show? What are your thoughts? Do share.

2011

This year.....

- I fell more and more in love with the daughter. I am enjoying her toddler-hood even more than the infant phase last year. Every moment spent either being with her or thinking about her brings me to a place of joy and peace. She is my best creation till date, and will always be!

- I LOVE watching the daughter sleep. I love that she falls asleep in my arms every night. I secretly hope this never changes.

- I spent 7 months this year with my parents. Including the 8 months we spent together last year, it's been an amazing 15 months with them. Much needed, much deserved - I have been away from home for 12 years now, and only managed to spend a few weeks every year with them until now. They are both retired, and need me more than ever. They adore the grand daughter, and it's just absolutely magical to see them soooooooo happy with her. I can't wait for them to come back next year for few more months!

- I feel extremely blessed and grateful to find a caregiver for the daughter who is loving, nurturing, trustworthy and sooper sweet. On most days, the daughter runs into her arms with a smile, and is hugged and kissed all day. She is fed well, and has never been miserable. As a mom, I leave a piece of myself when I leave my child in someone else's care, and I'm glad I found someone I can trust.

- I am also grateful and proud of myself, for deciding to switch to a reduced work week and stay home for 3-4 days every week and spend quality time with the daughter. Everyone has been very supportive of my decision, and it's been very rewarding too.

- My babie sister got married in January. The entire event went very well and was very memorable. Her husband and in-laws have blended with us so well, that it seems we've known them for years. They take great care of my parents in our absence, and have entered into our lives as a blessing.

- We traveled to Alaska, with mom n dad n the daughter. Even though there was rain in our forecast, we were greeted with sunny warm days during our stay. The glaciers, the wildlife, the wilderness, the midnight sunsets, the helicopter ride over Denali, the landing on a glacier - it was all surreal. Alaska is breathtaking.

- The daughter's cousins and aunt and grandparents visited her. Her cousins showered so much love - it melted my heart.

- I had many ups and downs with the husband, but we are ending the year on a high. Love is the deepest, trust and respect are the foundation, bond is the strongest. I brought humor and play into our relationship, and its working wonders.

- I learnt through experience, that even the closest of friends can become strangers. 

- I decided to take the minimalist route on many things. I disconnected cable TV and my cell phone data plan. We did not purchase any new gadgets or furniture for the house. We hardly ate out and chose to try new recipes at home. We reduced socialization - parties, gatherings - and chose to spend quality time at home as a family all year long.

- I read many good books this year - Born to Run, The Help, Steve Job's biography (yet to finish coz its very long), Rafa (Nadal's biography), etc.

- I managed to blog 83 posts in 2011 - which is equal to the combined total of posts from 2008-2010. That's pretty amazing!

- I chanced upon many great blogs - Business Musings, SouleMama, It's Not All Mary Poppins, Motherlode. I absolutely enjoy reading these (along with other favorites from previous years).

- I learnt to be much more patient this year, thanks to the daughter. There have been times when I'm literally on the edge, but I don't lose it. I cannot thank her enough for bringing more patience into my life.

- I learnt to live in the moment each day, just like the daughter. I enjoyed simple pleasures of life - sunsets, flowers in my garden, home cooked meals, presence of elders, the ocean, park visits, reading books, giggling - just to mention a few.

- I also learnt to be more humble and compassionate.

As this year comes to an end, I feel grateful for another healthy, adventurous, and fun year. I feel loved. I feel content. I feel blessed. I feel at peace.

Here's the daughter on 1-1-11....she was only 5 months old:

And here she is on Christmas 2011.....what a terrific year it has been watching her grow in front of our eyes.

How do you feel about 2011?