The much-awaited surprise has finally arrived! Meet Rusham, my son :)!
Rusham is pronounced as "Ru-shum" - it's a hindu name and it means 'peaceful'. So far, my little man has totally lived up to his name. He brings so much serenity into our lives. All the anxiety and worry that I was experiencing in the past few weeks has disappeared. I love hugging him, kissing him, cuddling him, taking in all his newborn smell, and just gazing at him while he sleeps.... occasionally flashing that dazzling smile which can never be captured by the camera!
Even though I did not know for 9 months whether I was having a son or daughter, it feels I knew him all along. To experience a baby inside of you - moving when you sing or pat your belly, nudging you with his arms and kicking you with his legs, hiccuping, waking up suddenly when you drink something cold or sugary - it's something that is best experienced rather than being described in words. The mother already has a strong relationship established with the baby, even before birth...and it does not matter to her whether she knows the sex of her child or not.
I had a very painful labor - as long as my labor with my daughter - and this time around, with my doula's help, I went through it without epidural. An hour before birth, to help me wait for the doctor coz she was busy delivering another baby, I took a little bit of pain medication which provided relief for about 45 minutes....and by the time its effect wore off, I was ready to push the baby out. It was a day when hospital rooms were full (I was told to wait a couple of hours at home so that I would not have to wait in the hospital lobby) and the OB/GYN was sooper busy. In contrast, when my daughter was born, I was the only patient in the entire maternity ward.
Inspite of the 25+ hours of painful labor, I enjoyed this birth experience thoroughly. I knew what to expect, I was mentally prepared, I had my doula to help me push through, and I had my regular OB/GYN on call that day to deliver my baby. As soon as he was born, they laid him on my chest, and I held on to him (skin-to-skin) for a couple of hours, before they took him to do his first bath and check his vital signs. The moment when you first look at your baby is magical.....it feels out of this world (even though just moments ago all you could think of is the acute pain).
Rusham shares his birthday with my late grandma. She was my only grandparent that was alive since I was born. She lived with us for 20 years. While growing up, I shared my bedroom with her. She passed away a month after I came to the US, and I have nothing but fond and precious memories of all the time I spent with her. It feels special that he chose to arrive on her birthday....whenever I see him, I get reminded of 'baa', who I loved a lot.
So now I have a son, and a daughter - I feel immensely grateful and blessed. All I wish is for my children to be happy and healthy. May my ability to love surpass my desire to be loved. I know that there is no one way to be the perfect mother, but there are infinite ways to be a good one - so may I always be able to offer the best I can to my children.
I hope Ruhi and Rusham grow up to become each other's best friends. I hope they find a sense of belonging and security in each other, and a confidence that their bond is stronger than the rest of the world. I hope they always have this feeling in their heart that if everything else goes away.....we'll still have each other.
As for me, I'm just grateful to be their mom.....I love them both gazillion infinite much!
