Adios 2012!

Wow - the year has almost come to an end (couple of hours left for us here in California)....

It started with us finding out on New Years Day that our daughter was going to have a little brother or sister.....I think we panicked and started worrying more than being overjoyed at first.....after we told our family and friends, we relaxed and eagerly looked forward to our newest addition....

And we were blessed with this little guy - so so precious!

I'm still sick, so making this a short post....but thank you for all those who follow my blog and comment regularly - Ramesh, Agnes, Andrew, Deana, Zeena, Gauri, Sriram (and more).....I write because I enjoy it so much and find it extremely therapeutic....and this blog is not publicized to my family or friends or people on networking sites....but all of you who read and comment are terrific people (with amazing blogs) that I consider my friends in real life. I hope to meet all of you some day. Thank you for your support and love!

This is my 84th published post this year....exactly the same as last year.....I hope to cross the 100 mark in 2013....fingers crossed!

Paulo Coelho wrote yesterday - "2013: the first year of the rest of my life"....here's wishing all of you and your loved ones a happy, healthy and blessed 2013!

Holidays 2012 - a photo post

I've been meaning to post a few pictures from the last couple weeks of fun times we've had, but everyone in the house is sick, especially the baby who is just miserable.....so I could not find the time, until now that is :).

We had a full house over the Christmas break - mum n dad are here, and sister was visiting with her hubby. The daughter loved all the Christmas lights in the neighborhood as well as a couple other places that we took her to. She got wonderful gifts - a train table that we set up for her on Christmas Eve and a personalized big sister book with lots of fun stuff inside.

We also got a family photoshoot done - didn't spend much time at the studio coz the baby was cranky, but it's going to be a while before we are all under one roof again, so I wanted a memory of that.

The daughter fell sick on Christmas eve, and she was very miserable and cranky. But the baby was okay, so we got him dressed up in his Christmas outfit. I clicked some pictures and did a comparison of both their first Christmas outfit pictures :)....ain't they both so cute and precious :)? and don't they look so alike?

At the studio, they were both very un-cooperative....so we only managed a few shots of both of them...none smiling, but memorable nevertheless....

We had lots of fun moments at home. We did shopping, packing, repacking, cooking/baking, a nice dinner outside, and loads of playtime with both the kids. Maasa-Maasi took the daughter out one morning to a new pretend-play place in town...she had so much fun, didn't want to come back.....I think that's where she brought the virus from and got the whole house sick, including herself!

This is the baby doing tummy time on the bed with me....

He then did potty so I had to change him....but before I put his clothes on, I clicked a picture of his chubbiness.....

 The baby is blessed - grandparents entertain him every minute he is awake.....

This is the daughter on her recliner chair.....taking part in the conversations happening at home....she looks so grown up!

And this is her doing the "Sai Baba" pose upon request....

She dressed up to visit the pretend play center with her maasa-maasi, and wanted to wear naani's bindi....

 And this is both of them...listening to Mozart tunes in the crib.....they both find it very calming.....

We clicked a few pictures of the Christmas lights....

The daughter is very much into gymnastics - I can't believe how tall she is....

I caught the son smiling away in his rocker chair a few times....

And I'll end the post here.....there's tons of pictures but I'm totally under the weather today - fever, headache, earache, runny nose, and cough.....and it's so cold outside.....I have not felt this way in quite some time so I will get some much needed rest!

Happy Holidays!

Wishlist Wednesday #3

For details on this series, please click here: http://justamotheroftwo.blogspot.com/2012/12/wishlist-wednesday-number-3.html

Today's prompt is: The one thing I wish everyone would learn is.....

There were a couple of things that popped up in my mind when I read this prompt. The first thing was: "To live in the moment, to live in the present".

Most people brood way too much over their past. And worry way too much about the future. And as a result of these two, they forget to enjoy the present.

After becoming a mom, "living in the present" is the one mantra I remind myself everyday. And I have to thank my children for inspiring me to enjoy the daily moments with them. They are babies right now and won't stay this way for too long.

My daughter will not go to bed without me. All night, she snuggles along my shoulder/arm for comfort and warmth. My son's face lights up when he spots me - from near or far away. While nursing, when he takes breaks, he looks up to me and talks to me with his eyes and smiles. My daughter was the same way when she was his age. It's surreal to experience such a connection with another soul.....I get lost in the moment every single time and nothing else matters.

My own childhood is not documented in the form of thousands of pictures or videos. And my parents don't like to talk much about it either. So, for me, watching my children grow is like getting a chance to grow up once again. It's a lot of effort and requires tons of patience, but the rewards are also unparalleled.

Another thing that popped up after reading the prompt is: "To stop judging others."

The above statement is Parenting Rule #1. Before becoming a parent, I was guilty of judging so many parents. I had opinions on every aspect of parenting, and discussed it freely with my non-parent friends. Now, I rarely do it. There are people who really don't deserve to be parents (seriously), and they still irk me a lot, but most of the times (especially with strangers), I try not to judge. Not only that, I always try to give the benefit of doubt and think positive. For example, a few weeks ago, we were dining at an upscale restaurant. A couple with their baby who was as old as my son was seated right across our table. The lady nursed her baby a little bit, then took out a bottle of milk to feed him more. At the same time, she ordered a glass of wine and was enjoying her drink too. Atleast she nursed before consuming alcohol and I hope she would not nurse again for 2-4 hours until the alcohol is flushed out of her system. I don't know the reasons behind her consumption of alcohol and I left it at that. I forgot about it as soon as I left the place and did not discuss it with anyone else. Before, I would have mentioned it to someone and said something negative about her.

I have started to apply the same principle in all other aspects of my life as well. Combined with the mantra of living in the present, I feel I have made my life a lot less stressful and so much more peaceful. When I go to bed each day, I make a mental note of 3-5 things that made me happy that day. I sleep with those positive thoughts in my mind....I hug and kiss each of my babies....and enter my la-la-land in a happy mood :)!

Wishlist Wednesday #2

For more details on this contest, see this link: http://justamotheroftwo.blogspot.com/2012/12/wishlist-wednesday-no-2.html

Today's prompt is: My one wish that came true and gave me immense joy....

This one has to be a no-brainer. When I first got pregnant, and found out that I was going to have a daughter, it was a dream come true for me. Even before I got married, I had always wished for a daughter. Girls in my family are treated like princesses. My grandma used to adore me, and so did all my cousins. My parents raised my sister and I to be self-reliant. My mum and I, as well as my sister and I, share a very special bond...and  whenever I have to share something personal, I never have to think outside of these two. I don't have a BFF or a girlfriend who is very close to me....but my sister more than fills the gap.

So, I wanted a little girl to pamper, to dress up in girly outfits and cute hair accessories, a chatterbox who would keep me entertained for hours, a teenager who would be rebellious but still could relate to her mom from within, someone I could cook and bake in the kitchen with, someone I could bitch about her dad with, a grown-up lady who would go on trips around the world with me....and so much, so much more.

My daughter is two years old, and is the love n light of my life. I thank God everyday for blessing us with her presence in our lives.

{Picture from today morning while being dropped off at daycare...it was -4C when we stepped out so she is all bundled up, but the sun was out so she was enjoying herself and entertaining me with her pouty face :)}

PS: I live in the US so when we have an ultrasound at 20 weeks (called the anatomy scan) where they check the baby's growth and development of all organs, we are given a choice to find out the gender of the baby. Hence, I knew I was having a girl before she was born.

A difficult post about mental health

Note: Wearing my heart on my sleeve while writing this, so please be gentle with your comments.

The Newtown shootings were on my mind all weekend. And how the events over the weekend unfolded in my life did not help at all.

My dad has epilepsy. He has also battled depression for years. He has been on a mix of medications that work for him since 20+ years. Due to all the medications, he suffers from a hearing loss. He is a computer/iPad addict, and when he is on his gadget, he has a hard time listening to something being told to him, even in a louder voice. Several times during the day, mom or I have to remind him that we had to repeat the same thing over and over again because he did not listen. We've experimented with several hearing aids and none has worked so far. The efforts are ongoing and I'm hoping we will find one soon that will work for him. On Saturday, we had an episode. He told mom something, mom replied but she was kind of mumbling to herself so I realized there is no way dad will get it, so I told dad that she replied but you did not hear. That caused him to snap...he totally lost his cool....and started a huge tantrum. After a few scary moments of losing control (a classic thing to do would be to bang his head against the wall, or hit his head with his hands), he broke down and started crying profusely. I was scared so I asked mom and hubby to handle him. He eventually calmed down, and took time in his room to come back to normal. But such episodes are hard on us. Harder now than before as we have 2 babies in the house. The daughter never left his side....she kept asking why nana was crying, and was tickling his feet, giving him several kisses and asking him to become happy again. This episode was a much tamer version that the ones my sister, mom and I have experienced in the past. But it does not get easy...in fact, it only gets harder as time goes by.

What can we do? We empathize with him, and have to show a lot of patience, acceptance, love and grace. We pray for normalcy to return quickly. We cannot get angry, not a bit. We cannot discuss it later. We cannot point fingers at him. We have to understand that it was not in his control to behave that way.

Soon after this episode, a friend of mine came home for lunch with her family. Her son, who is 7, is severely autistic. I had not spent much time with him until this weekend. And I saw first hand how difficult it was for them to manage him. He ate leaves from all the plants in our backyard/house. He went to the potty, but came out without his clothes. He sat on the bench in the backyard in the cold weather with just a t-shirt on. He did not eat anything we cooked. He cannot talk - at all. He would climb furniture and would not know that he will get hurt if he falls. They described to me an incident in the past where he accidentally went out of the house when their older daughter left the main door open. Some neighbors saw him playing on the road at an intersection and called the police. Just when the police were trying to figure out whose child he was and had called social services, my friends realized he was missing and went looking for him and found him. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for them to deal with such situations day in and day out. They are considering getting a guide dog for him as he is listed as a wanderer and would benefit from a companion. My friend and her husband rarely go out, so I'm glad they came to our house for a meal. They were very relieved when they saw how we all worked towards managing their son while they ate. Even if it was just for a meal, I was happy we were able to give them a break.

And then on Sunday, I went to pick up a toddler train table for the daughter from an Intel colleague. She (a grandma) had posted an ad on our internal marketplace for selling it, and I had been looking to buy one so I expressed interest. Upon reaching her place, I saw that her grandson was a special child. When I asked her about him, she started crying profusely. She said they just found out that he has Batten's disease (I had not heard of it before) and it's a rare, fatal disease with no cure....so the prognosis was not good. He used to be a smart kid who would climb trees in her backyard, and now could not even walk or talk. They are doing all they can to help him lead a comfortable life, as long as he can. There is a doctor in New York doing a trial where he is able to slow down the progression of the disease, and they are headed there soon to see if he gets accepted in the study. It was painful for dad and I to be there even for just 10 minutes.

All these three were emotionally draining episodes. All deal with mental health in some way or the other. But in all three cases, I saw how the family was showing much needed love, and acceptance. The families are doing all they can to help the affected people lead a comfortable and as normal as possible life. They have a community around them who helps them when needed. There are medications, schools and other resources (therapy, etc) that they can benefit from. All this combined helps them feel normal in the society. And if such care, love and acceptance is given to all those in need, we can prevent what happened recently in Connecticut, Colorado, Portland and Wisconsin. That, and ofcourse, gun control!

What has the world come to?

I had such a good night. I was pumping milk around 2am when I saw my daughter slap her daddy in her sleep (it was so funny and cute too :)). After my pumping was done, I closed my eyes for 20 mins and then went out to the backyard to see the Geminid meteor shower. We live on top of a hill and our backyard has a sound wall with a vast empty hillside behind us. No street lights or other homes in the vicinity. I saw 10+ shooting stars in just under 30 minutes.

While I was enjoying this, a mommy friend of mine was in labor..she was 10 days overdue and had to be induced....I was getting updates on how she was progressing, and she was doing amazing. When I woke up in the morning, I read that her beautiful baby girl had arrived....she is healthy and mommy and baby are doing fine.

After that, I got ready, and packed a huge bag full of gifts for my adopted family this year. Every year, I adopt a family during Christmas. This year, its a mommy who is my age and her 6 year old son from Iraq, who lost his dad in the war. They took asylum in Syria and have just resettled in the US. I dropped off their wishlist and came to my desk.

Upon reading the news, I saw this:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/14/sandy-hook-elementary-school-shooting_n_2300831.html

And to add to the misery, I also read this:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/14/china-school-attack_n_2298430.html

I am so so sorry for all the families who are grieving from this tragedy. I don't have any words to offer. I pray to God to give them strength to go through this phase in their life.

There is an interesting debate going on on my FB page about whether guns should be banned in this country or not. What do you think?

• Dana Lipps  I know it is a horrible horrible tragedy, however, banning guns is not the answer. There was recently an incident in china where a man went into an elementary school and stabbed 30+ people. If people want to hurt someone, they will find a way

  about an hour ago via mobile · Like
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  Shachi Thakkar Dana Lipps wouldn't it limit from any psycho to do this? i grew up in a place where you cannot just walk into a store and buy a weapon. This is one thing that scares me the most about living in this country.

  about an hour ago · Like
• 

  Dana Lipps No it won't. In countries that have already banned guns, people are still able to get them. All gun bans do is take guns out of the hands of responsible individuals.

  about an hour ago via mobile · Like
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  Dana Lipps So can stabbing and strangling people but we aren't taking knives away or cutting people's hands off

  59 minutes ago via mobile · Like
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  Dana Lipps Once again, taking guns away from responsible, law abiding citizens that use weapons responsibly and for protection is not the answer. Bad guys will still get guns and good guys will be left defenseless

  55 minutes ago via mobile · Like
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  Dana Lipps If someone is armed and coming into my house I am not going to wait 5-10 minutes for the cops to get there. In that time he could kill my son, my husband or myself. I will protect my family and if it means shooting the bastard than so be it. It is my life or his an ill be damned if I will let him harm my child while waiting for the law

  51 minutes ago via mobile · Like
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  Shachi Thakkar Dana Lipps if responsible people need weapons for protection, they can always apply for a license and will get one issued. That's how it works for us back home. Some level of screening is necessary. If everyone has guns, you could just get angry and get into a fight and even use it against each other. I see your point - however, I still feel putting some level of restraint in possessing weapons is necessary.

  50 minutes ago · Like
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  Dana Lipps There are rules in place. There are back ground checks done as fingerprints taken for all people that are obtaining guns legally. The problem is people steal them and then sell them on the street so anyone can buy them.

  47 minutes ago via mobile · Like
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  Anand Mudlapur @Dana, your argument is preposterous, how can guns be stolen if there were no guns? What is it with the gun fascination? You people don't get it do you? What would you do if your child was in that elementary school and you were at home or office possessing a gun and writing on FB lobbying for guns? What use is it to protect your child?

  37 minutes ago · Like
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  Manjiri Kaundinya When an intruder comes in your house with full preparations for harming you and your family, you in that moment are not prepared and since you are not expecting any such thing, you have to go find your gun, load it, aim it and shoot it to protect yourself or your family. The time, required to do all that while the intruder is having his hands on trigger, is not enough. The scenario that guns protect you from intruders is good in a scenario setting. It rarely translates into reality. Most of the time guns are used for cold blooded acts which require planning and ton of lunacy.

  25 minutes ago · Like
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  Dana Lipps I don't want to do a "you just dont understand" and run, but really? If it were my child I would be absolutely devastated but my mind wouldn't be on "well if only he didn't have a gun". If people are out to hurt as many people as they can, then they ar...See More

  14 minutes ago via mobile · Like
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  Ishani Bhatt 

  10 minutes ago via mobile · Like
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  Ramakrishna Kay very sickening, ~20 kids are dead? background checks for holding a gun is NOT working - the shooter is a 20-yr old.

  10 minutes ago · Like

It seems no place is safe - movie theater, mall, school...or even our homes. Mental illnesses are at a rise among young adults...not sure why.

With 2 very young kids in my life right now, such news makes me sick to my stomach. I've been praying for peace, grace and healing, but I want to act on preventing such crimes from happening. What can I do?

12-12-12 (and Wish List Wednesday)

12-12-12 - the century's last sequential date....do you believe in numerology? I don't...it's just a cute date for me :). And I am going to spend the day slogging away at my desk....I do have a Holiday dinner from work to attend tonite, and hubby/I are hoping to make it a date night...let's see if the kiddos co-operate :)!

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Yesterday morning, the daughter wanted to put on socks+shoes on her footie-pj's. I kept telling her they won't fit, but she was persistent. So I put the socks on, and as soon as I put one shoe on, she tells me: "See I told you"! - LOL!


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At daycare, I gave her a gujju snack. Her daycare provider did not know what it was. So madam was teaching her how to pronounce it...she asked her to repeat after her: "say gaaa" "theeeee" "yaaaa" "gathiya" - the lady was laughing so hard.  She called me and made me listen to the conversation over the phone :)!


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Today morning, it was very chilly when I put her in her carseat.
I asked her: "R are you cold"
She says: "I think so"
And after a pause, she asks me: "mummy are you cold?"
I said: "yes I am"
So she tells me: "oh come on"

What is that supposed to mean, I have no idea :)!


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My awesome friend Preeti Shenoy's new book "The Secret Wish List" is being released on Dec 14th. She is hosting a creative prompt series "Wish List Wednesdays" and the prompt for today is "The three things I badly wish I could have are......" and here is my response:

After my daughter's birth, I try to live in the moment, in the present...most of the time. I don't make too many plans for the future..neither do I worry much about what will happen 5 years or 10 years from now. I am content each day if I have lived it fully, and have had moments of fun and creativity. As a mom, I feel at peace when I've managed to keep both my kids happy and well fed and clean. 

So what I wish right now is: 

1) for both the kids to be healthy and happy

2) to be able to give my best to my children, family and profession, and go to bed each day feeling content and peaceful

3) to be able to find time to help those who are in need. 

It's really that simple for me. I feel very blessed and grateful for all I have, so there is nothing tangible that I badly want. 

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I still cannot upload any pictures to the blog....have sent a request to Google storage for fixing the issue - no update yet. Hope it resolves soon!

Happy 12-12-12!

Day 5: Big Sister

After being in denial mode in the beginning, then struggling between high and low emotions, big sister R has finally fallen in love with her baby brother.

Every morning, she showers him with kisses. Most mornings, she requests that he be placed in her lap, or that she can hug him, and asks me to take a picture. If he is playing in his crib with the mobile on (it has wonderful soothing Mozart tunes), she settles next to him, and is careful not to hurt him.

She turns on the piano on and presses the button which plays a programmed Jingle Bell tune - she says 'here we go" and starts dancing.....while shaking her tushie and dancing around, she also comes and shakes her bhailu's tushie and makes him giggle :)....

Before, if a visitor asked if they could take the baby with them, she didn't care. Now she will promptly say NO, he's mine!

She insists on bringing his feeding bottle herself to whoever is holding him. She even tries to feed him but is too clumsy to manage it on her own.

She has made up a song for him, which goes like this:
R baby R baby
Don't worry R baby
I am your big sister NOW
 {Tune: Mustafa Mustafa}

At night, if the baby wakes up crying, or is being changed, she is sometimes bothered and wakes up. But she is very patient, and as soon as he falls asleep, she does too. Before, she would start screaming and not tolerate him being taken care of at all.

If he is relaxing on his rocker, she pulls up her little recliner chair and relaxes next to him.

The baby loves his big sister too. As soon as he hears her voice or spots her, he smiles :). He keeps staring at her while she is around. If he is napping, he wakes up as soon as she arrives near him.

Whenever we dress up and have to take a picture, she insists that mumma carries both at the same time....one on the right and one on the left (she says that too) :)....

I can see both of them bonding amazingly well, and that makes me the happiest mumma in the world!

PS: I could not post Friday coz my laptop conked out :(!
PPS: This post would be so much better with the awesome pictures that I sorted out to upload...but - I cannot add pictures to this post as I am out of google storage...which is confusing coz it says I am only using ~5GB of the total 21GB paid storage that I have....I don't know how to fix the issue right away so once its resolved, I'll update this post with pictures!

Day 4: Getting fit

I gained 42 lbs during my first pregnancy. I was doing amazingly well with the weight gain until ~35 weeks, but the last 5 weeks I gained 3 or more pounds every week and there was nothing I could do to slow it down. By the time I got pregnant again, I had lost ~32 lbs.

The second time around, I was dreading the same thing. But I got lucky. I only gained a total of 25 lbs, out of which I lost 10 lbs at delivery. So the combined excess of 25lbs is what is still left.....and not all of it is going to come off by itself.

I've always been a very active, fit person all my life. I was on the skinny side all through college, and after coming to the US, I gained a few lbs but lost them over time, and managed to maintain a healthy weight all throughout. Until now, that is!

For some women, the pounds just melt off their body post-pregnancy. I am not so lucky. I have to work hard. I have to watch my diet. Nursing my babies full time makes me very hungry. But I watch my portion sizes and never binge on junk snacks.

Once Rusham was two months old, we settled into some sort of a routine in our lives. Every day there is a new challenge, and more often than not, the routine is disrupted, but we finally got used to having two kids. And I took the opportunity to incorporate some level of physical activity during my day.

These are the things I do:
- Jump rope as often as I can. Sometimes I do 500-600 a day, sometimes 200. The best part is I can do it at home at any time.
- I park my car in the overflow lot at work. I come home during lunch, so I have to walk a total of 4 times back n forth during the day, which I do at a fast pace.
- I rarely take the elevator to my third floor cube. Climbing the stairs burns a lot of calories.
- I walk within the buildings from one end of the campus to the other. The weather here is lousy - it's been raining non-stop for the past few days, and it gets dark/chilly by the time I leave work. So outdoor stuff like biking or a run is completely ruled out.
- I do Surya Namaskars and yoga routines as and when time permits.

The arms and belly need a LOT of toning, but I'm just getting started and doing what I can right now.

It's been 3 weeks that I started doing all these things, and so far, I've managed to lose 6lbs. Not bad, eh? I still have a long way to go, but it's a good start.

I had to go to a party last weekend where the dress code was Western. None of the outfits in my closet fit me, so I went ahead and bought a dress...got a great deal on it ($12) and it did a great job in flattering my curves (or I should say bulges, in all the wrong places?)....

Inspite of having said all of the above, I must say that I don't feel depressed or stressed about the excess weight....I have two beautiful healthy children and my body is supporting me in nursing them full time....my body has been so gracious to me during both pregnancies....I have to be patient and give it some time to return to its new normal shape!

I have a long break from work coming up, and I hope to workout a lot more in the coming months. My goal is to get to a healthy weight and fitness level by the time Rusham turns 1!