Had a good weekend :)

If any of you read my last post,  you must be worried...so just to let you know - I had a really good weekend :)

I spent part of my Saturday cleaning my house, and speaking to few friends on the phone. 

I then visited a close friends' kids - they are 4 and 6 yrs old....and they are HUGE stressbusters. I spent my entire evening playing with them - we played UNO, games like bowling n tic-tac-toe on my iphone, watching youtube videos (we liked the Gummy Bear one the most :))...and after a tiring evening, they went to bed. I then chatted with my friend and her husband and then came home and made some more India calls. Yeah, weekends are usually time to catch up on phone calls :)

Sunday went by spending some quality time with a friend who visited me from out of town. I hadn't met him for the last 4 months, since he was out of country, so I really had a great time connecting with him. He is one of the closest buddies of mine, and I felt good being with him for almost the entire day.

I had planned to do my taxes today, but I will catch up on that later in the week.

Oh, and I DID go for a 7-mile walk on Saturday afternoon to clear my head :) and it HELPED!!!!

The spring weather is gorgeous here in California!

Comfortably numb?

This one is going to be philosophical....so don't read if you are not in the right mood or if you don't want to.

I am feeling very low today. My mind is wandering in different directions. I am thinking about my life, my future, missing my family, I feel like running away somewhere into the wilderness, I am thinking about love. 

I go through many such days. Deep down, if I do some soul searching, I think I will be able to figure out why I am feeling this way. But I don't want to do it today. I go through so many such days.

Most of the times, I feel this way because I am very stressed out and I feel like I am stuck in a rut. It's when I forget to count the numerous blessings I have in my life, and only think about the few problems that I am facing. It's also when I miss home (India) and my parents a lot. This is my 10th year in this country (US), and I have been through my share of struggles here. I really crave for family time more often than not, and today I just miss my home terribly.

I would just fly back home for the weekend IF I could :(

I haven't been feeling too good physically since I got back from India. I feel very tired, I am out of energy by the time I am done with my day, and every couple weeks I suffer from something bizarre physically. I went to my doctor and got some basic tests done, and looks like everything is under control. Maybe I am just out of my mind :(

I am thinking about love. A strong affection and attachment to someone is one definition of love. I feel that way for a select few people in life. But everytime, I am not loved back in the same way. You can argue that when you love someone, there should be no expectations. But I don't think its possible to be that way. Atleast I cannot be. I do expect reciprocation of my emotions and feelings. And when I don't get that, I feel terribly hurt. 

It's very frustrating when inspite of trying very hard, you don't succeed at something. I learn from every such situation in my life, and move forward by trying harder. But it sure is difficult to deal with setbacks. I am facing one right now, and if often brings me to the brink of giving up. 

I am wondering - What is the meaning of life? Am I living my life to the fullest? Am I keeping my loved ones happy? Am I doing enough for them? I know I will die someday...the thought itself scares me. The thought of losing ANY loved one scares me to death as well. But I will have to face it. And I will never be prepared for it. Who can be?

I feel anxious and scared. I have no clue why. I fear so many things today - it's just all the negative thoughts filing my mind. I feel like crying - endlessly. 

I think I just need to relax. I need to medidate to clear the junk out of my mind. I need to go out tomorrow in the gorgeous spring California weather for a walk, and feel the nature. I need to listen to good music or read a book. I need to talk to a dear friend. 

Or maybe I just need a good night's sleep. 

Marriage

This word itself triggers so many thoughts. 

I am happily married and I have been through the process of finding the "right one" for myself. I also have been part of several discussions with my friends regarding marriage. We have debated for hours on topics like love vs arranged marriage, how long should you date, etc.

I had one such conversation with a friend recently. He is still single, and he was arguing why he should get married after all. I took the other side of the discussion, and argued why he should.

After the discussion was over, I was thinking about why most Indians like me and him, who have migrated to the west, are always scared of marriage. So penning down a few lines related to this thought here. Again, this situation assumes arranged/love+arranged Indian marriage. 

What is difficult to understand, is we spend the least amount of time in our life, and give the least amount of priority, in searching for a life partner.

To make a career, we start studying from the age of 5-6. We study until we graduate and study even more. All with a steady FOCUS and DETERMINATION and with a GOAL in sight. 

Then we do the same thing to get a JOB or start a BUSINESS. 

And when it comes to searching for a life partner, we put that at the end of our BUCKET LIST.....why is that?

Shouldn't all of us take some time off in our lives and FOCUS just on finding the right mate? I think this is the CRUX. If we pursue this with the same ZEAL that we pursue other things in LIFE, we will do a much better job at this too.

The irony is - if you think about it - most people want a HAPPY family more than anything else.....more than a good job, a good career, a good house, a good car, etc. Family comes first. They say they will ALWAYS prioritize family over work n other things. 

Then who makes your family? Who will you spend your life with and your life for? Mostly your WIFE (or HUSBAND) and KIDS, right? 

And to search for this very person (wife or husband).....we give the least priority. 

I think this is the main reason people like us have so many questions surrounding marriage. 

- We fear losing our independence.

- We fear losing our inner circle of friends.

- We fear compatibility issues.

- We fear commitment.

- And so much more.....

For everything else in life, we are go-getters....we know what we want, and we work hard to achieve it.

For marriage, we take a gamble, and hope and pray and keep our fingers crossed that it will work out. Aren't we losers in this case? How can we not give our 100% for this too?

Also, if it doesnt work out or if it is not working out, we succumb to society n emotional n blah blah blah pressures, and try to make it work by hook or crook. Would we continue with our jobs if we were unhappy? would we continue to use our car if it was giving problems? would we continue to live in a house if it was really an issue living in it? No....

I agree that in a marriage, we are involved with another human soul....whereas the above things are all materialistic. Also when kids are thrown in the mix of things, decisions are usually difficult - next to impossible.

But what I am talking about is the attitude. When we marry, people like us, just commit to making it work, whether we are happy or unhappy with it. Shouldn't there be more flexibility here, just like we have in other aspects of life as well? 

And this is happening, because we did not spend enough time and thought into the decision itself...had we taken two years of our lives in finding a soulmate, chances are slim that we would wind up with an incompatible mate. 

What also BAFFLES me - is that in a typical arranged marriage, once we know each other a TEENIE WEENIE bit, we are supposed to make this supposedly called BETTER HALF of ours - the CENTER of our UNIVERSE. You are supposed to not live without this person, whose name you did not KNOW until this VERY moment. You are supposed to worry about their tiniest of worries, and vice versa. You are supposed to make regular phone calls and share every minute of your life. How can CUPID strike so SUDDENLY? I simply fail to understand this.

Another thing what most friends tell me is that your partner should be your best friend. You should be able to talk anything/everything with him/her. I concur, but you SHOULD be able to share all, you don't HAVE to do it. There are things you might CHOOSE to keep to yourself, and there might be things you FEEL like sharing with a FAMILY member or CLOSE FRIEND. What's wrong in that? But the expectation is, you should FIRST share with your life partner, and if you dont, its a TABOO. I don't understand this either! 

One of my friends says: "I always wanted my best friend to be my wife and not my wife to be my best friend." SO TRUE :)

So to sum it up, I feel we should be more open minded and positive towards taking the good things from the western culture.  We should put in more dedicated efforts towards this aspect of our life as well, and we should try to make the most of the flexibility we have in our current Indian society (culture). 

By doing so, we will evolve the society to give us a more freedom and choice which will make it better for our next generation. 

Any thoughts????

Talk

I read a few interesting n funnie quotes about talking/speech in the latest issue of Forbes magazine, which I am sharing with you here:

The time to stop talking is when the other person nods his head affirmatively but says nothing. - Henry Haskins.

The habit of common and continuous speech is a symptom of mental deficiency. It proceeds from not knowing what is going on in other people's minds. - Walter Bagehot.

We need few words when we have something to say, but all the words in all the dictionaries will not suffice when we have nothing to say. - Eric Hoffer. 

To talk well and eloquently was a very great art, but than an equally great one was to know the right moment to stop. - Mozart (I shortened this quote - original is longer).

They never taste who always drink; They always talk who never think. - Matthew Prior.

Wise men say nothing in dangerous times. - John Selden.

With a gun stuck in your mouth and the barrel of the gun between your teeth, you can only talk in vowels. - Chuck Palahnuik.

When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. - Gracie Allen.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you. - Helen Rowland.

Enjoy :)