UBM Post 11 - Surgical deliveries

Yet another news from India of a sweet baby girl's birth (in my circle of family/friends), and along with it, yet another news of a C-section delivery. In the last 3+ years, I have not heard a SINGLE person delivering naturally in my circle. And it is SO concerning, SO alarming. This particular person that just delivered - she did yoga, she attended prenatal birth classes, she read books on natural birth, and prepped herself very well for labor and delivery. But during labor, she was told that the cord is wrapped around the baby's neck (a very common reason given to patients) and what choice do she have but to agree for a C-section?

C-section is a major surgery for women. Not many realize that. The recovery is much slower, and you have to pop in so many pain medications post-surgery before you finally feel okay. You also need a lot more help at home for an extended time as your movement is limited. There are long term implications and side affects too. Another major factor is its negative effect on breastfeeding. Its traumatic in those first few weeks - first, the milk does not come. If it does, the baby does not latch. Then there's engorgement, nipple bleeding/soreness, and so many other things that I don't even want to describe here. Why would you want to deal with an unnecessary surgery on top of all this? I feel it would totally take away the joy of spending those initial precious days with your baby in peace.

I recently put up this concern in a blogger group on FB, and someone thought I was bashing c-sections. Truth is, I was not. When medically necessary, it is the most amazing thing ever. But there are not many cases where it's absolutely necessary to delivery a baby surgically. My heart cries out for all these friends of mine in India, who have to unnecessarily go through a major surgery just because the doctors, hospitals and staff want to make more money. It's a huge scam, one that is running based on pure emotional blackmailing of the patient and her family who are in a very vulnerable and tense situation anyway.

There is a doctor in the above group who said she made a choice to go for a c-section. And that there is no risk in doing so. And that I'm wrong about the concern I'm expressing. I really don't understand - when did birth become a sophisticated thing to go through? what is the shame in natural birth? who are we to change the laws of nature? Pregnancy, labor, delivery and breastfeeding - these are the times in my life where I have felt most raw, most human, most humble. I would not trade these feelings or experiences for anything else in the world. If a woman is given the right support she needs, proper monitoring and assistance during labor, and much needed confidence that the baby and her body know how to deliver, she CAN do it naturally. There is pain, but as I remarked to many friends earlier, it's one day of pain vs. a lifetime of gain. It's just one painful day in your life for a happy, healthy baby in your arms for the rest of your lives.

I'm lucky to have had 2 normal deliveries. Both very tough labors, both 26-28 hours, both weird in their own ways - the first time it was the posterior position of the baby, while the second time it was prodromal contractions which I had never heard of before. Here in the US, the nurses and doulas are so helpful and supportive. They are in no rush and let the baby work its way down the birth canal. They provide you with whatever you need, and also have an array of pain medications (epidural, intrathecal) to help manage the pain. It's an intense time, one that is managed superbly by the OB staff. No matter what the state of hospitals, medications, and their pricing is in the US, the OB staff goes above and beyond their duty to ensure a memorable birth for all patients (atleast in my experience). And not just me, almost all of my friends have had normal deliveries. A couple of them who have not had obvious complications that necessitated a surgical birth. For this one reason alone, I'm glad I was in this country during this time of my life. I have a paranoia about surgeries and I'm glad I avoided them.

Also, think about my mom's generation. I have asked around and found that during their time, c-sections were rare. Most people had home births (although my mom did not) and most of them delivered normally. Agree that the infant and maternal mortality rates were higher, but with science making so many advancements and a majority of the births happening in hospitals, that has considerably dropped.

I could go on and on about this issue since it is very close to my heart. But rather than blabber here, I will work with a few people I know in India who are doctors (and come from families of doctors) and see what steps can be taken to address this issue. One idea brewing in my mind is to open up a firm of doulas and midwives whose mission is to simply assist women during labor and delivery and ensure a natural delivery as often as possible, at a minimal cost. What do you say?

Rusham!

The much-awaited surprise has finally arrived! Meet Rusham, my son :)!

Rusham is pronounced as "Ru-shum" - it's a hindu name and it means 'peaceful'. So far, my little man has totally lived up to his name. He brings so much serenity into our lives. All the anxiety and worry that I was experiencing in the past few weeks has disappeared. I love hugging him, kissing him, cuddling him, taking in all his newborn smell, and just gazing at him while he sleeps.... occasionally flashing that dazzling smile which can never be captured by the camera!

Even though I did not know for 9 months whether I was having a son or daughter, it feels I knew him all along. To experience a baby inside of you - moving when you sing or pat your belly, nudging you with his arms and kicking you with his legs, hiccuping, waking up suddenly when you drink something cold or sugary - it's something that is best experienced rather than being described in words. The mother already has a strong relationship established with the baby, even before birth...and it does not matter to her whether she knows the sex of her child or not.

I had a very painful labor - as long as my labor with my daughter - and this time around, with my doula's help, I went through it without epidural. An hour before birth, to help me wait for the doctor coz she was busy delivering another baby, I took a little bit of pain medication which provided relief for about 45 minutes....and by the time its effect wore off, I was ready to push the baby out. It was a day when hospital rooms were full (I was told to wait a couple of hours at home so that I would not have to wait in the hospital lobby) and the OB/GYN was sooper busy. In contrast, when my daughter was born, I was the only patient in the entire maternity ward.

Inspite of the 25+ hours of painful labor, I enjoyed this birth experience thoroughly. I knew what to expect, I was mentally prepared, I had my doula to help me push through, and I had my regular OB/GYN on call that day to deliver my baby. As soon as he was born, they laid him on my chest, and I held on to him (skin-to-skin) for a couple of hours, before they took him to do his first bath and check his vital signs. The moment when you first look at your baby is magical.....it feels out of this world (even though just moments ago all you could think of is the acute pain).

Rusham shares his birthday with my late grandma. She was my only grandparent that was alive since I was born. She lived with us for 20 years. While growing up, I shared my bedroom with her. She passed away a month after I came to the US, and I have nothing but fond and precious memories of all the time I spent with her. It feels special that he chose to arrive on her birthday....whenever I see him, I get reminded of 'baa', who I loved a lot.

So now I have a son, and a daughter - I feel immensely grateful and blessed. All I wish is for my children to be happy and healthy. May my ability to love surpass my desire to be loved. I know that there is no one way to be the perfect mother, but there are infinite ways to be a good one - so may I always be able to offer the best I can to my children.

I hope Ruhi and Rusham grow up to become each other's best friends. I hope they find a sense of belonging and security in each other, and a confidence that their bond is stronger than the rest of the world. I hope they always have this feeling in their heart that if everything else goes away.....we'll still have each other.

As for me, I'm just grateful to be their mom.....I love them both gazillion infinite much!