When I go to bed each day, I spend a few minutes recollecting a few things for which I was grateful that day. It's usually never more than 5...I quietly thank God for them, kiss my babies, and listen to my breath for a couple of minutes before falling asleep. I'm always dead tired by the time I do this and it takes me less than 5 minutes to fall asleep.
However, some days, I take stress with me to bed. And last night was a perfect example of why I (or anyone else) should not be doing that. EVER.
Today, I had an all day review meeting planned at work....and I was not stressed about my content being reviewed (as it has been reviewed several times before and due to the nature of my work, I'm usually very thorough in what I do, can go into the minutest detail even if woken up from deep sleep), but I was very stressed about getting to the meeting on time.
You see, the daughter is in her terrible two's. She wakes up a happy kid, and spends some great moments with me and her brother, but then she turns into a grumpy, wailing toddler. Potty is a tantrum. Brushing is a tantrum. Breakfast is a tantrum. Getting dressed is a tantrum. Picking the right shoes to wear is a tantrum. No matter how early we wake her up, we can never guarantee when we will be able to leave the house and when I will reach work. I have a flexibility arrangement in place at work due to this (as very soon, I will be dropping off two kids, not one) but there are times like today when I HAVE to reach on time.
So bedtime last night was rough. We started at 9.30pm but she only went to bed at 11pm. Right then, I was sooper stressed about morning. And then, at 2am, she woke up. Not only did she wake up, she started screaming on top of her voice for unknown reasons (and this is another habit she has picked up which irks all of us)....and as a result, she woke up the baby too. Now if I would have nursed him for 5 mins, he would go back to sleep. But she would not let me do it. She kept on screaming, started pulling my clothes, my arms, and it made me so angry (remember, I was woken up from a deep sleep too) that I spanked her. Not hard, but I could not control :(.
Have you ever spanked your child? What do you think of it? I personally don't consider it to be okay....and try to control as much as possible. However, rarely, like last night, I lose control and end up spanking. There's lots of room for improvement in this area for me. Having said that, the daughter is extremely strong willed and hyper sensitive. Timeouts don't work with her. Firm talk does not work with her. She can argue so well even at this young age, it amazes me. So, the more I think, I feel LOVE and KINDNESS is the only thing that will work with her.
Spanking only angers her more (I think its obvious) so she started screaming louder and louder. The husband was still working (yes, at 2am - and I have no idea why - it's rare for him to do so) so he came in and tried to calm her down. But no, she only wanted her mumma. He was trying to get her to be quiet and then he threatened her with a timeout which I knew was very very wrong, so I asked him to leave the room, and picked her up, and HUGGED her really TIGHT. My connection with her with surreal....she stopped screaming instantly and calmed down. I brought the son to my lap too, and they both cuddled and we three just sat there, in silence, for a few minutes. I then laid them down on the bed, one of either side of me. I told her I would nurse Rusham, and she agreed. She just put her arm on my tummy and drifted off to sleep. She was over the impulse that made her angry and scream, and was tired too. I nursed the baby and gave him to his dad who put him to sleep in 5 minutes.
And the story does not end here, unfortunately :(. She woke up again at 5.30am, and for an hour, she kept asking me to get cozy with her (which I was doing but not to her satisfaction I guess) and finally, at 6.30am, hubby took her out of the bedroom to put her to sleep somewhere else. Well, she never really slept after that.
I woke up being so bummed about how the night went. It was not because I didn't sleep well, but because she didn't. And today is the first day she was going to be at preschool all day, which meant she would have to nap there as well. (My all day meeting meant I would not be able to pick her up and did not have anyone else lined up to do so). She did fine....slept some, but I'm sure not peaceful. I'm sure she has forgotten everything about what happened at night, how her day went, etc and here I am, brooding over it in this long post.
Anyway, the night and the day are behind us now....and I look forward to a fun evening with her - we are BAKING :)! She loves helping me with baking, and she also loves sharing our baked goodies with our friends/neighbors. Soooooooo looking forward to it!!!! Maybe we'll also do bubble bath tonight....she loves it immensely and will feel so good....after all, I love my girl immensely!!!!
DAY 6798
8 hours ago
