#19 in 2019

I can't believe I'm writing this -

I begin my 19th year at Intel today.

I never thought I'll be working for the same company all these years when I started interning with the company on 1-8-2001.

And what a long but fulfilling journey it has been!

I started out as a test engineer working on ATE's (automated test equipment) - writing test programs for network devices.

My next job was developing a small tester with a 3rd party to test a new memory technology that Intel was developing at that time. Intel sold the 1st generation and then canned the product.

From there, I moved on to a role as a DFX (design for test/manufacturing/etc) engineer, working on RTL code for a memory technology that was a joint venture as well. This project got cancelled early on, and it was the year I got married. Within months of our wedding, I had no project to work on. 70-80% of my team was laid off. I survived.

After a few weeks of ambiguity, we formed a small memory path finding team, and picked up an FPGA project to work on. And soon after, we started working on another big project, which was in path finding for several years. It is now a product, which Intel will be shipping this year. A key milestone for my career!

I wish I could publicly talk about my work, but due to IP issues, I can't.

I don't see myself as a VP, GM or CEO of a company, ever. I've managed projects but never people.

I am happiest working on technical aspects, defining architecture or root causing silicon/platform level issues, or enabling customers with new features. And I love mentoring new hires or junior engineers on our team, whether its issues with their job function or team, or whether its coaching them to push for a well deserved promotion. I currently have 6 mentees - 4 females and 2 males - and my conversations with them about work, work-life balance, and life in general - are so enriching and fulfilling.

I hate politics at work, and dread going to senior level meetings where I have to watch what I say, and things are interpreted in several different ways. Lately, a lot of back stabbing has been going on with our project, and I cringe when I'm involved and have to defend myself. I'm hoping this aspect of my work improves this year, as soon as possible.

Let's begin Intel Inside #19!!!!

Still the same...

I read my post from April, and realized not much has changed in the last month or so....

We got a few offers for our home, but nothing worked out. We decided not to sell our current home. We will not be moving to a new house. Things have a way of working out for themselves....and this whole process has been very educational, as well as beneficial for us. Purging, cleaning, organizing the home has been the biggest benefit so far. My credit score had taken a beating due to some issues and those issues are resolved now. We've understood the local market criteria, how to stage a home, how to get ready for showings, do open houses, and have learnt a lot about the real estate selling process these past couple months. In a way, I'm relieved I don't have to move. We like this place, and the neighborhood. We are looking forward to enjoying the summer break here!

Things at work are still somewhat stressful. There is no clear direction for our group. The management has changed, even though our project and work has not. I've lived with ambiguity before, so I have not been negatively impacted so far. But you can sense the turmoil when you enter the campus each day. Lots of folks have cancelled vacations and sabbaticals, and in general, the mood is somber. Not an environment I would choose to be in, if I had that choice right now.

Kids have been falling sick quite a bit. It has been extremely difficult to manage these times. The son is napping next to me as I type this. He has high fever, and an ear infection. He vomited his dinner last night, leading to a ton of laundry and midnight bath, as well as a sleepless night for us. 

So yeah, that's life, but if you look, you can always find happiness and joy around :).... 

The daughter had a beautiful graduation ceremony for kindergarten yesterday. She has triumphed this year in a new school, made lots of new-diverse friends, and has grown so much. As parents, we did an average job. The morning routine was always stressful, the evening homework routine was also somewhat stressful, and we could have done a lot better in managing our emotions during this time. We have learnt from this experience and hope that the next year will be much better. 

We have a vacation coming up in June - YAY!!. Tickets have been booked and some trips have been planned. We will be meeting family and friends that we haven't connected with in a long time. Our travel and break from routine is very much anticipated! 

Kids have been learning canvas painting techniques with a friend who is an excellent artist. She lives on a 5-acre farm with chickens, dogs and tortoises. She plants a huge produce garden each year, and kids have helped her this year with planting. Our weekly visits to her place are always so much fun, as well as therapeutic!

Summer is here, and the kids have been having lots of play dates, park outings (including spray parks), and attending birthday parties. Weather has been gorgeous and they are also enjoying bike rides. They've been picking up germs and getting sick too, but I would gladly take these common illnesses in lieu of the awesome outdoor fun any day!!

Here's a graduation picture and a couple of our adventurous boy to end the post....such joy on the kids' faces - more than enough to evaporate all the stress!

A moment of McQueen happiness....

Whenever I travel for work, the kids ask me to bring them back something. It's usually something very small, sometimes just a chocolate chip cookie for both, but however small the gift, it's the thought that their mommy missed them, and brought something for them, that they care about.

Until last year, I would never discuss my travel plans with them. It upset them quite a bit, knowing I would not come home from work at night. But starting this year, I tell them way in advance where I'm going.

I traveled to Arizona this week, and the son kept asking me to bring him a McQueen T-shirt. He's been asking for it since days, and I decided to order a 3-pack from Amazon before I left so that it would arrive (hurray, 2-day prime shipping) by the time I returned from Arizona.

The day I got back, I got a call from his preschool right around lunch that he had a fever, so I picked him up and brought him home. Just as I was settling him in bed for a nap, the doorbell rang, and I told him his t-shirts would have arrived. He said did u bring them from Arizona? I said I ordered them from Arizona and they came in the brown truck. To say he was delighted and thrilled to see and wear them is an understatement. He must have said "thank you mamma" zillions of times, and so many other feel good statements. He was so excited that he could not sleep until 4pm, and was wearing a huge grin on his face all afternoon long.

He's home today with me, down with fever, but you can hardly tell he's sick. He LOVES spending time with me at home, especially when his sister is in school, coz then he gets undivided attention. He's sporting another one of his McQueen T-shirts today....and he is very, very happy.

Money can't buy everything, but if a cheap $5 t-shirt can bring my sick son several days of happiness, it sure is worth it.

It's been a fever filled week, so I'm ready for the tide to turn now. The daughter had fever since Saturday, and she missed school for 2 days while I was gone. Now the son is down, and our beloved nephew is down with fever as well. On one hand, these are routine common illnesses which go away soon, so I'm really grateful for that. On the other hand though, it takes a toll on us parents when both are full time professionals, and we don't have any family to help us during such times.

Hoping for a healthy weekend....

UBM Post 30 - The work-life balance saga

I was going to post something light and funny today, but I read a few posts related to the evergreen debate on a working mom vs a stay-at-home mom, and hence this post.

These are the posts I read:

http://nychthemeron.blogspot.in/2009/03/kids-and-maids.html (read the comments too)

http://nychthemeron.blogspot.com/2013/07/kids-and-maids-2.html (don't read the comments; I'll post my long one here)

http://www.indianamericanmom.com/2013/07/ditch-the-mommy-guilt.html

http://readingthroughrsmind.wordpress.com/2013/07/26/

http://www.momaical.com/2013/06/women-who-have-it-all-and-other-lies.html

And the one with which I resonated the most:
http://www.blogher.com/are-you-pwm-proud-working-mom

Now adding my two cents:

First, my response on the second post listed above:

I work, and my daughter went to daycare (now preschool), and the son will go to daycare soon. And I live in the US, so I'll speak for what I do here.

This is how I make it work:
- We kept the kids home upto a year...actually a little more than that (until I nursed them). Both of us took ALL the leave we could get (paid and unpaid) so that was like 9 months+, rest of the time parents helped out.
- I had kids at a time in my career where I could get flexibility to work from home as much as I want. I invested 10 years of hard work before I got this luxury.
- I switched to part time for a few months when the daughter started daycare. Hubby did the same. So our daughter who turns 3 this week, has never gone to daycare 5 days a week, 8 hours a day.
- We have no maids to cook, clean, etc. We do have a gardener, and occasionally (once every 2 months) call someone to help with the house. Stuff like windows, doors, blinds, lamps, ac vents, etc that we don't clean routinely, they help out.
- Kids get the socialization they need in daycare, eat lunch, and nap. They eat breakfast and dinner at home, go to activities with us, go to the park with us, go for play dates with us.
- BOTH of us have put our careers in cruise mode...no promotions for a while, no working long hours, no work related travel, no meetings off hours.
- Each of us takes atleast 2 vacation days every month (that's 4 total days) to do fun stuff with kids, or just to be home with them. These are impromptu.
- When they are sick, we are with them 24x7. Daycares here don't allow sick children anyway.

On top of this, finding the right daycare provider is also key. I feel only a mom who has done this with her kids (preferably more than one so that she has more varied experience) can do a good job. Exceptions are everywhere but I am talking about norm. Recommendations matter big time - make sure you pick someone who has nothing but good referrals.

Now, on choosing to continue to work: I feel, if I have invested 6+ years in studying for some profession, and 10+ yrs working in it, it's really unfair to chuck it all away. It's terrific income for the family too. Do you want women to just be moms all their life and not grow in other professions? What about our daughters? what do we want them to do when they grow up? Not everyone can stay home for X no of yrs and get back into the workforce when they please. I have countless examples of frustrated and depressed moms who quit work when their children were born, and now want to work but there are no appealing jobs. Even my own mom who made the same decision when I was born (I am her eldest child) always laments that she could never have a career. Money also matters - not just for survival but for self-esteem and independence as well- it is not easy asking money from your spouse for small small personal expenses, gifts to friends, charging mobile phone cards, etc and not being asked how much you spend each month....it can be a big reason for conflict between a couple. I can continue, but there are countless benefits to women working. Quitting I feel is the easiest option to choose, not necessarily the best one for yourself, your child or your family.

In summary, it is possible to achieve an acceptable work-life balance if you choose to work on it diligently. It requires careful planning and execution, but totally doable. And a good infrastructure that supports working moms is essential in all countries. IF we had that, we would not face this dilemma and guilt.

As I have expressed here before as well, the right kind of infrastructure is key. The government can help you, but the more I think about it, I come to a conclusion that it is upto YOU to create your own infrastructure. Only you can figure out what will work for you and your child(ren).

Another key point for a working woman is: equal contribution from spouse on ALL aspects of parenting. Sure, men can't get pregnant or breastfeed (how I wish they could do that), but other than these two things, they should be able to share the rest of the burden.

My husband starts his 6-week bonding leave today. I think it's incredible that he is choosing to take this leave which is a benefit from the state, but comes with very little pay. He is also a person who has woken up most nights to help with our infant/toddler children. He shares 50% of the household chores with me. He can cook some delicious stuff when the need arises (he was a regular before but now he babysits while I cook, mostly coz I'm much quicker). He can bathe both the kids, dress them up, take them for their activities, park and museum outings, read stories at bedtime and put them to bed. He feeds them all their meals. If I have to be away for work, I know he will be able to manage without me, and he will do a good job. Many times, I have found that I am the one who worries so much about how he will manage a certain situation, but in reality, when I leave it upto him, he does fine (and often, does it the same way I would have).

Our neighbor also starts his 6-week bonding leave today. It is even more incredible as his wife is a stay-at-home mom and they have three kids. Money is tighter for them than us. But he wants to enjoy summer with the kids, and more importantly, give a little bit of break to his wife.

Another neighbor, and a very close friend of ours, he stayed home with two of his children for 5+ years, while his wife worked during that time. I will not go into the reasons why they made this choice, but having known them for close to 8 years now, I can say he did an amazing job with his boys. I always tell my husband to learn as much as he can from him.

So, if husbands start helping out equally, take bonding leave during the first couple years, and there is a network of trusted, reliable daycare providers in town - a working woman has no reason to completely quit her job, if she is really inclined to work.

On a personal level, I'm in awe of women who just quit their careers and choose to stay home with their kids. Being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job in the world, in my opinion. So I have lot of admiration and respect for each of them. It's just that when they take us working moms on a guilt trip, I feel I need to voice my support and level out the field :)!

I now rest my case!!!!

Back to work....

:: First day back at work after a longish break - I find it peaceful and relaxing so far....I miss the kids but not so much that I would want to run back home :).

:: Cleaned my desk thoroughly - I find most cubicles filthy and full of junk....I like to keep my working space neat and organized.

:: Was pleasantly surprised to find a divisional recognition award plaque at my desk for a small research project I did with Barcelona team a while back.

:: Went down to the cafe and was happy to see that all disposable items - cups, lids, spoons, etc have given way to reusable mugs and steel utensils.

:: Spoke to my manager and found out he got a well deserved promotion. Extremely happy for him and feels great to work for someone who is much above the rest of the staff (in terms of technical expertise and mentoring) on our project..and is a true leader. Now only if he would cut down on his micro-management (and to be fair, he has succeeded in doing that in the recent past) then he would be someone I could learn and grow from and enjoy working with in the years to come. We had a bumpy beginning but we seem to be getting along fine since quite some time now.

:: The entire family, including moi, was sick with a bad bacterial infection as soon as we landed. It took us more than a couple weeks to recover. The baby has had back to back ear infections (seriously, he needs your prayers) and I seem to have caught another cold yesterday. It's been very challenging, to say the least, in terms of illnesses since 2013 began.

:: For our daughter: I've toured many preschools and have done trials at 3 of them. I have come to a conclusion that for our daughter's personality, a Montessori will work best in the beginning years. She has an interview today (good luck to her :)) and if she does well then she will start half-day preschool this week - I'm excited and nervous! {Any inputs on preschools, montessori, etc are appreciated}.

:: Tried out a new chaat dish recently - did not take pics but will post a recipe soon. It's a lot of work to make it (soaking dal, grinding, baking, etc) but its sooper yummy and nutritious.

:: I am already planning a short vacation in summer {sigh} - it will only be a week long but looking forward to it!

Here's a recent picture of the kiddos....{got a few matching outfits stitched in India...feel so happy to see them wear those :)}

Back to work now!

Back to work

So....the paltry 6 weeks of disability leave that the State of California allows me to take is over....and I am back at work today...Boo :(!

I've brooded over this topic many times before, here and with friends in several discussions - but I still have to vent it out one more time today - just 6 weeks of leave - isn't it a joke? And that too, it's classified as disability..not maternity. Even third world countries have better benefits for new moms.

I am barely out of pain.....the baby is so little...dependent on his mother entirely. Thank God for my parents who I know are as devoted as I am to my children for helping us out.

Now I am certainly blessed...and it's my choice to come back to work sooner, and save more time-off for later. But that time off is one that I've accumulated for 2 years....and some of it is because I've been in the workforce for 12+ years, so it's given to me as an added benefit. I have more than 5 months off, which I plan to take in 2013. It just works out better for me that way. I did the same with my daughter and I'm sticking to the formula that worked just fine at that time. Also, I have a choice to quit working and stay at home for some time......a huge factor mentally and emotionally. But I don't feel like quitting....just yet. These are the few months that I have to stick it out.....if I can manage somehow for a couple of years, I know it will get easier, and I will not have a long break in my career...you never know when you will get back into the workforce once you are out.

The daughter has terrible sibling rivalry....she has not accepted the baby yet. It's been rough, if I'm honest. However, each day, there are moments that are fun, and precious. Some days there are no tantrums and I feel on top of the world. Some days are full of tantrums with just a few moments here and there that are worth remembering, so I just choose to focus on those moments and forget the tantrums altogether. It's getting better everyday, and I hope it continues.

The baby is chugging along fine. I'm missing his cuddles and smiles at work today, but I'll make up for it during lunch, in the evening and at night.

Here's a close-up of RnR clicked earlier this week at home - my darlings :)!