Things I wish I could share with my late husband….

One of the big things that I’ve missed since Sameer passed is losing the person who has a front seat into my daily life. 

A witness. 

To when I wake up, when I sleep, whether I snore or not, what I wear, whether I drank tea or coffee today, my mood swings, what I ate, etc.

And from my side, there are trivial things daily that I want to share with someone, especially in the moment. Along with support for routine chores and home affairs. 

And it really hurts that I’ve lost that ability completely. All of a sudden.

Just today, these are the things I would have loved to share with him::

— Dry skin issue:: my skin, especially on my arms, legs and feet, has been extremely dry. Flaky. And itchy. Could be a symptom of perimenopause. Even after putting body oil & doing sauna yesterday, it’s sooper dry. Today, I’m planning to lather some thick cream at bedtime and see if it helps. Next, I’ll go for a full body massage and ask them to massage deeply with oils. 

Sameer would have noticed, even before I did. And he would have helped me manage it.

— Hot flashes ::: It started with one hot flash every morning at 6:30am. Then a few days later, a second one got added - at 8:30pm. And now, apart from these two times, I get several hot flashes a day. I haven’t gotten a period in 82 days. I really wish I had someone to commiserate with on this.

{Sorry - you may feel it’s too much information, but I feel so many women suffer silently. A woman may or may not have a child. A woman may or may not marry. But menopause is something every woman who lives long enough will experience. It affects us greatly, for many years. And there is no shame in talking about it.}

— Growing microgreens:: I’m proud of myself to get kids hooked to microgreens lately. They eat them daily. They are sooper expensive to buy from the store or farmers market. I have a kitchen kit to grow them indoors, and I also have the seeds. I need to set it up. Sameer would have loved to do this. 

Along the same lines, I’ve been harvesting veggies from my garden at our new home daily. And Sameer would have absolutely thrived looking after the veggie beds and garden. 

— Smog check and dmv registration: my minivan smog is due, and I have never gotten a smog check done in the US. The first few years when I was alone, I had a new car. So didn’t need a check done. And then Sameer took it over. I have a friend helping me with this task today. But he already rescheduled his time to pickup the car thrice this morning, and it is very irritating when this happens. I really miss my man handling these tasks without logistics and scheduling overhead at my end.

— Principal cellist :::  symphony rehearsals start today. Our daughter is principal cellist this year. Huge deal. How I wish Sameer was there to see her play at the concerts. He would be beaming with pride. 

—- Trash out day ::: trash day being on Wednesday morning is the worst thing ever for me. Symphony evenings are so tiring for me, and dinner gets delayed. To remember to clean out all the trash and put it out after such a long day has been so painful for me. I just finished doing that, and as always, dreaded it until it was done. 

—- Rusham’s debate ::: there was so much drama about partners. It all settled down yesterday. I would have discussed this with Sameer each night as it unfolded. 

There are big milestones and events where I will always feel his enormous absence.

But then there are these small, ordinary things that I also miss sharing with a partner. 

The dry skin. The hot flashes. The trash cans. The microgreens. The smog check. The kids’ activities.

Someone who doesn’t need to be brought up to speed on any of it. 

Someone as invested as I am, in our family. 

I think this is one of the hardest parts of losing a spouse that I’m experiencing first hand. 

I didn’t just lose a partner. Or the father of my children. 

We lost our witness!!