Eight

I made this card for the husband, on our 8th wedding anniversary today :)

We are in a really good place with our relationship right now....and I am grateful for that. I cannot say the same thing about the early years, or the stressful times when we had job changes, infants, lots of expectation mismatches, and little faith in each other.

But we have both worked to make it better; finding humor during stress, finding each other's love language, expressing ourselves frankly, and working as a team w.r.t parenting.

There is still room for improvement, but we are clearly headed in the right direction.

Happy Anniversary, my love!

Short Stories from India - 1

Every India trip, I meet people whose life stories are so intriguing. I try to provide a listening ear to many such people I meet, and I can see them pouring their heart out to me. It's comfortable to confide in - mainly coz they know I am a visitor, a stranger to them otherwise, and will leave their surroundings soon.

These stories, they change me. Just like reading every single post from HONY does. Brandon, from HONY, is the inspiration behind starting this series on my blog here.

Meet Sangeeta. Our cook. 

She has been coming to our house since 2007. She is the first maid to show up every morning. Always on time, always well dressed, always with a smile on her face. Rarely takes a day off. 

When the kids wake up every morning, they find her in the kitchen, making fresh hot phulkas or yummy parathas for the family. They ADORE her. My son keeps asking about her often, and recently, we did a video chat with her so the kids could see and talk with her.

Her story? She is in her mid-thirties, and has a 23 year old son, who is her entire life. She got pregnant when she was 13, and her man left her when he found out about her pregnancy. Her brave, kind and loving parents took her in, and helped her raise her son. She still lives with her parents. 

You see a huge red bindi on her forehead? She dresses up as if she is married, to avoid harassment from men. When I asked why she didn't marry anyone again, she said she didn't want to risk her son's future with a new man. 

She never went to school, so she made sure her son did. He is now a graduate and working. She does not want him to get married anytime soon. She wants him to work for a few years, buy a home, settle down, before starting a family. 

I love our morning talks. She asks me about my life, my work, what I cook, the weather, everything. I ask her about her clients, her family, what she does on her days off, what she cooks on festivals. I like to listen, and she likes to talk. 

I am extremely proud of her. The way she lives with dignity, and the way she has raised her son, being a single teenage mom. I'm sure it has been a tough life, but you don't see it on her face. 

Instead, she is always simply happy for me, my family, and has only the choicest of blessings to offer to my children! 

God bless her! 

January, so far.....

Happy New Year to all of you!

January has been a mixed bag of emotions for us so far.

*****************************************************************************
Good news first....

I completed 14 years at Intel - and I'm really looking forward to my second sabbatical!

How does it feel? Pretty good. Not like corporate slavery a bit. I'm grateful for being in positions which have always challenged me, and kept me away from politics, paper-pushing and managing people.

However, I feel the need of changing my profile in the near future. My current job is one of the best I can find (architecting new technologies), but I'm tired of the group I work with. Hardly any women around as you go up the ladder (Intel ranks very poorly in growing tech women), and some of the men are just too ruthless. A change would be good - but a change also means my work-life balance, which is superb currently, could go for a toss. Decisions, Decisions....

*****************************************************************************

So, 14 years at Intel, and 15 years since I left India. I had no idea how life would shape up for me when I arrived here. But I'm grateful that I got a job within 9 months of landing in this country, and by the time I graduated I had enough savings to pay off my student loan. I never got laid off, and we are able to raise our family in a small town with all the perks of a city. I really could not have expected anything better.

*****************************************************************************

Last January, the son developed breathing issues, and had to be rushed to ER. I pulled him out of daycare, and had no idea what to do. Spoke to mum n dad, and they decided to come down and help for 6 months. They are my superheroes, honestly. They are far better at raising my children than me. And because of them, my kiddos went through the year without needing to be medicated. (They got sick but nothing out of the ordinary).

Come this January, and the son is sick again. Parents were here until a few days ago, and right after they left, he has come down with a bad case of flu. Combine that with a croupy cough, and my child is miserable. We've been home all week nursing him back to health. Experience, good or bad, always helps.....and so we are much better prepared this time. Please say a prayer for him - I really hope he gets better quickly and does not fall sick too much this year.

*****************************************************************************

The daughter will start Kindergarten later this year. I went for an orientation last night at a private school that is our #1 choice for her, and came back pretty frustrated. They have a 30-minute assessment test that the kids have to take prior to enrollment, and guess what? the test is on the IPAD. Something on the lines of GRE, where the questions get tougher if you answer them correctly, and easier if you go wrong. And I'm thinking, SERIOUSLY? She is only FOUR years old, and has no idea how to work on an IPAD. Apart from a few occasional songs or rhymes we play for the kids, they never use it. No games, no apps.

We focus on reading, life skills, fine motor skills, play play play, having fun, and that's it.

The public school we have is great, but it does not have a good after-school care program. And since we both work full time, we have to put her in private for at least a couple of years.

Again, I have some tough decisions ahead of me. Thankfully, I have options, and I'll have to work harder on making them work. Or I just have to quit working and home school the children.

More on the test here: http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20140707/upper-east-side/quiz-are-you-smart-enough-get-into-private-kindergarten

*****************************************************************************

Our wedding anniversary is coming up later this month. We don't do gifts. We like to travel, but we are yet to plan a getaway this year. If the kids stay healthy, we will make it happen. If not, I'm looking forward to a nice dinner with the family :)!

*****************************************************************************

Those bad news that I talked about in December - they somehow don't see to stop. Or maybe I'm just extra sensitive lately.

A dear friend's son got hurt on the foot which got infected after sutures, and is still on antibiotics.

Another friend's 5-month old daughter was in ICU for pneumonia and had a rough time. She is now thankfully okay. Home and happy and healthy.

I met our friend who lost their 17 month old daughter last year - and could see how empty they felt. I could not ask them much about their ordeal, and I also found it hard to say anything about my kids to them. I don't think I can relate to their grief at all.

A colleague has been steadily losing weight without trying, and is very concerned about something wrong with his body. I'm concerned about him too - he is single and does not have family around here. Let's hope it's nothing serious when the tests results come.

There's more but I'll stop here....

*****************************************************************************

Mom n Dad were here with us for the holidays. They left right after New Year, and we are all feeling homesick in our own home - funny, isn't it?

The son is especially down....he refuses to chat with them on FaceTime and keeps saying that he wants them to come back.

I hope they come back soon, or we get to visit.....

*****************************************************************************

So that was the mixed bag so far - nothing fancy, but hoping it only gets better from here :) :)!!!!

Here's a sweet bonding moment that I managed to capture on my iphone - too cute for words :) :)!

Happy Holidays 2014!

Here's wishing you Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Holidays, from our family to yours!

Hope the coming year brings you great health, joy and peace in your daily routine, travel and adventures, and everything else you wish for!

Not a good weekend....

Last weekend was filled with a string of bad news...they kept coming and did not stop until the very end.

It started with my sister telling me about their friend's 6 month old son, who got diagnosed with kidney cancer. Just 6 months old - can you imagine? A kidney has been removed and chemo is to start shortly. The young parents have no family around, and I'm sure they must be in the trenches with their emotions.

I also made a tough phone call to a neighbor.....they lost their 17-month old daughter last month while we were away. She was such a precious, healthy little child....and it was a very sudden loss. I am yet to meet them...but I'm sure I will be at a loss of words when I do.

I recently attended a cousin's wedding in Bangalore. It was such a happy event.....I really enjoyed spending time with all my cousins and came back with happy memories. We found out last weekend that my cousin's mother-in-law, a very sweet lady who always wore a smile on her face, got diagnosed with breast cancer. Not even a month after her daughter's wedding, which the family hosted with such pride and fanfare....they have to deal with this difficult situation.

These news were coming in on Saturday, and by the end of the day, I was emotionally spent. A friend visited us with his soon-to-turn-1-year old and he brought his cousin along with him. One look at the girl and you could tell something was wrong. He told me she was assaulted earlier in the week by some black men. I won't go into much detail but it was a scary, traumatic experience. I'm glad she is safe with us now, but an incident like this is enough to alter a person's life.

On Sunday, we had another friend visit us. They are a couple I adore, and I've known them for a very long time. They mentioned about their cousin's son who is battling an allergic reaction to some drug and has been in ICU, on a respirator, since the last two weeks. My friend has been sending care packages to them every week and she had just finished sending a big package before they came to meet us.

Although none of these things have affected my immediate family, does it really matter? The empathy and sorrow that I feel towards these friends and acquaintances is the same. I can't just shrug off their thoughts from my mind easily.

I keep asking: how can I help? why them? why children? I look at my kids and wonder what if something happens to them? Sometimes, its just plain luck. But no one is always lucky, right? Someday, it will be us, and it will directly impact us.

It's just shaken me to the core - this string of bad news. Once I find a way to reach out, and help - in some way or the other, I'll feel a bit better.

Till then, please pray. For strength and for healing.

Post 11 - 10K Trail Race

I am not sure why I did not listen to the logical answer coming from my brain "Don't do it", and went with the meek "Yes you can" coming from my heart....

On Sunday, I ran a very tough 10K trail race, organized by Intel. On a very chilly day (which is perfect for long runs), the course took us through the Folsom Prison grounds, giving us a chance to peek into a side of Folsom we never get to see. The course was hilly, with constant ups and downs, taking us through streams and bridges, through bushes and trees. It was single track all the way. It kicked my butt, to say the least :).

Towards the very end, I stepped on a small rock on the trail and fell down, hard. My left knee got bruised, but I was able to finish strong. I also got a bad blister on my right toe during the run, but it was not painful while I was running. Both were minor injuries and I'm well on my way to being healed now!

Here's what I learnt:

:: If you sign up for a race, please train for it. You could get injured badly if you don't, and pay for your mistake for years to come. {In my case: I have been running on and off since the beginning of this year, hence I had the courage to go ahead with this race. Earlier this week, I also did a couple of strength training workouts at the Intel gym, and figured I should be able to hack it.}

:: Eat well, hydrate well, sleep well - the day before the race. {I stayed up until 2.30am to pack for my upcoming vacation. I also skipped dinner (sigh) and was snacking on junk while packing. The only thing I did was hydrate well.}

:: Plan your outfit and lay it out on the bed the night before. Also plan your morning breakfast well, and pack snacks/water for the race if needed. Charge your ipod/phone and keep headphones with your outfit. {Can you believe that I did all these things? YAY ME!}.

:: Take a shower a couple of hours before the race to warm up your muscles. And stretch using a foam roller. {I showered at 2.30am before going to bed instead. And foam roller is my best friend - I used it before and after}.

:: Don't be indecisive until the last minute. {I showed up at the venue thinking I will change my run to a 5K. But when I went to pick up my BIB, I saw that my number was the last 4 digits of my cell phone. It made me smile, and gave me a nudge that this is meant to be. So I stuck with my original plan.}

:: Once you start running, leave all worries behind and just have fun. {Which is what I precisely did}.

:: A running group helps. A lot. Train with one. They will support you and inspire you all the way. I'm proud to be associated with Runnin' for Rhett and they were there with me, before and after the race.

I have another 5K race this Saturday - this time the whole family plans to do it - let's see how it goes :)! Wish us luck!

Post 10 - Rule of 75

So Intel has a "Rule of 75" for retirement - you can retire when your age + years of service equal to 75.

For employees like me, who started our career at the company right after college - it means that before we turn 50 (48 in my case :)), we "CAN" possibly retire (does not mean you can afford to).

I was chatting with a colleague about college funds and retirement planning, and he said: "According to the rule of 75, I can retire at 49. I plan to quit Intel and start an alternate career".

That's when the light bulb blinked inside me. I could capitalize on this rule too.

I've long contemplated about changing my career. But what next? Is the million dollar question. I choose to live quite frugally in many aspects of life, and could really cut down on expenditure even more drastically if the needed arises. But still, I have a family to raise and kids to send to college. So I need income on a consistent basis.

Alternate Careers that interest me: Nursing, Therapist, Owning/running a preschool (Age 3-6), small business owner (I have some ideas here), writing (although not full time).

So  maybe I just carry on for the next 12-13 years with my current career, and then pursue one of these alternate professions? Or do I start working on an alternate path right now? No spare time on my hands so not sure how to accomplish that.

I'm thinking out loud here and looking for some brainstorming.