A difficult post about mental health

Note: Wearing my heart on my sleeve while writing this, so please be gentle with your comments.

The Newtown shootings were on my mind all weekend. And how the events over the weekend unfolded in my life did not help at all.

My dad has epilepsy. He has also battled depression for years. He has been on a mix of medications that work for him since 20+ years. Due to all the medications, he suffers from a hearing loss. He is a computer/iPad addict, and when he is on his gadget, he has a hard time listening to something being told to him, even in a louder voice. Several times during the day, mom or I have to remind him that we had to repeat the same thing over and over again because he did not listen. We've experimented with several hearing aids and none has worked so far. The efforts are ongoing and I'm hoping we will find one soon that will work for him. On Saturday, we had an episode. He told mom something, mom replied but she was kind of mumbling to herself so I realized there is no way dad will get it, so I told dad that she replied but you did not hear. That caused him to snap...he totally lost his cool....and started a huge tantrum. After a few scary moments of losing control (a classic thing to do would be to bang his head against the wall, or hit his head with his hands), he broke down and started crying profusely. I was scared so I asked mom and hubby to handle him. He eventually calmed down, and took time in his room to come back to normal. But such episodes are hard on us. Harder now than before as we have 2 babies in the house. The daughter never left his side....she kept asking why nana was crying, and was tickling his feet, giving him several kisses and asking him to become happy again. This episode was a much tamer version that the ones my sister, mom and I have experienced in the past. But it does not get easy...in fact, it only gets harder as time goes by.

What can we do? We empathize with him, and have to show a lot of patience, acceptance, love and grace. We pray for normalcy to return quickly. We cannot get angry, not a bit. We cannot discuss it later. We cannot point fingers at him. We have to understand that it was not in his control to behave that way.

Soon after this episode, a friend of mine came home for lunch with her family. Her son, who is 7, is severely autistic. I had not spent much time with him until this weekend. And I saw first hand how difficult it was for them to manage him. He ate leaves from all the plants in our backyard/house. He went to the potty, but came out without his clothes. He sat on the bench in the backyard in the cold weather with just a t-shirt on. He did not eat anything we cooked. He cannot talk - at all. He would climb furniture and would not know that he will get hurt if he falls. They described to me an incident in the past where he accidentally went out of the house when their older daughter left the main door open. Some neighbors saw him playing on the road at an intersection and called the police. Just when the police were trying to figure out whose child he was and had called social services, my friends realized he was missing and went looking for him and found him. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for them to deal with such situations day in and day out. They are considering getting a guide dog for him as he is listed as a wanderer and would benefit from a companion. My friend and her husband rarely go out, so I'm glad they came to our house for a meal. They were very relieved when they saw how we all worked towards managing their son while they ate. Even if it was just for a meal, I was happy we were able to give them a break.

And then on Sunday, I went to pick up a toddler train table for the daughter from an Intel colleague. She (a grandma) had posted an ad on our internal marketplace for selling it, and I had been looking to buy one so I expressed interest. Upon reaching her place, I saw that her grandson was a special child. When I asked her about him, she started crying profusely. She said they just found out that he has Batten's disease (I had not heard of it before) and it's a rare, fatal disease with no cure....so the prognosis was not good. He used to be a smart kid who would climb trees in her backyard, and now could not even walk or talk. They are doing all they can to help him lead a comfortable life, as long as he can. There is a doctor in New York doing a trial where he is able to slow down the progression of the disease, and they are headed there soon to see if he gets accepted in the study. It was painful for dad and I to be there even for just 10 minutes.

All these three were emotionally draining episodes. All deal with mental health in some way or the other. But in all three cases, I saw how the family was showing much needed love, and acceptance. The families are doing all they can to help the affected people lead a comfortable and as normal as possible life. They have a community around them who helps them when needed. There are medications, schools and other resources (therapy, etc) that they can benefit from. All this combined helps them feel normal in the society. And if such care, love and acceptance is given to all those in need, we can prevent what happened recently in Connecticut, Colorado, Portland and Wisconsin. That, and ofcourse, gun control!