Girl Child

Even before I got pregnant, I always wanted a daughter. And when we found out we were going to have one, I was beyond thrilled.

However, as and when I shared this news to people (mostly to people who asked me rather than me telling them), I was surprised at their reactions. All my non-Indian friends expressed their happiness, and it didn't really make a difference to them whether it was a boy or girl. But most of my Indian friends were not too happy. The kind of questions that followed after me telling them that I was having a girl were all bizarre.

It took me a little bit of time to shrug off their mentality....and I soon forgot about those comments.

Throughout my pregnancy, I came across many stories, articles and statistics about female infanticide. Here is one such story:

"Lakshmi already had one daughter, so when she gave birth to a second girl, she killed her. For the three days of her second child's short life, Lakshmi admits, she refused to nurse her. To silence the infant's famished cries, the impoverished village woman squeezed the milky sap from an oleander shrub, mixed it with castor oil, and forced the poisonous potion down the newborn's throat. The baby bled from the nose, then died soon afterward. Female neighbors buried her in a small hole near Lakshmi's square thatched hut of sunbaked mud. They sympathized with Lakshmi, and in the same circumstances, some would probably have done what she did. For despite the risk of execution by hanging and about 16 months of a much-ballyhooed government scheme to assist families with daughters, in some hamlets of ... Tamil Nadu, murdering girls is still sometimes believed to be a wiser course than raising them. "A daughter is always liabilities. How can I bring up a second?" Lakshmi, 28, answered firmly when asked by a visitor how she could have taken her own child's life eight years ago. "Instead of her suffering the way I do, I thought it was better to get rid of her." (All quotes from Dahlburg, "Where killing baby girls 'is no big sin'.")"

Each time I read something like this, I went through a mix of emotions - none happy or positive as you can imagine. Over time I would forget such stuff and focus on my baby. 

The birth of my daughter is one of the happiest moments of my life, and motherhood has been amazing. I am thrilled to be spending my time off from work in India with my daughter. I am so happy that she is getting all the love from her grandparents, relatives, friends and so many neighbors here. 

Today afternoon, I happened to have a casual chat with my neighbor's maid who rang my doorbell to borrow my neighbor's apartment keys. This maid's niece Rekha used to work in our house. Rekha had a baby girl couple weeks after me. In their community (rabari), having a girl is still considered a taboo.

So, coming back to my conversation today....I was asked whether I had a normal delivery or C-section. Rekha had to deliver via C-section coz her baby had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. Everyone had pity on her....and said if God had to tear her apart for having a baby, atleast he should have blessed her with a boy, instead of a girl. I said what the heck?

Rekha was very weak when she conceived, and probably did not eat well during her pregnancy either. She did not lactate at all, so she could never breastfeed and now her baby girl is on formula/cow's milk since birth.

Very soon, she will start working again, and her daughter Prachi will be left at home in the care of some aging relative or neighbor. I doubt whether she will be sent to school. 

I cannot help but compare the difference in the lives of my daughter vs Rekha's daughter. Both girls born 2 weeks apart, and the difference in upbringing is going to be huge.

When will this mentality change?

When will people be equally happy on the birth of a girl?

When will a female child be given equal opportunity to go to school in such communities? 

When will a daughter not be treated as a liability since birth?

Such and countless more questions filled my mind today after my chat today afternoon. 

I am going to meet Rekha and her daughter Prachi very soon, and I am looking forward to it. I will do my best to talk to her and convince her into sending her kid to school. I don't mind sponsoring her child's education if need be. I hope, wish and pray that Prachi has a bright future ahead of her, just like I would wish for my daughter!

Diwali 2010

It's 4am here in Ahmedabad, India as I write this post. It's the morning after Diwali, and I can still hear the sound of fire crackers bursting in the neighborhood. I can also hear a distant sound of the morning aarti being played somewhere on a music system and hear prayers from a nearby mosque.

I am home for Diwali after 11 years....my first time since I moved to the US. I am actually spending Diwali in Ahmedabad after more than 20 years....we always used to go to Agra-Soamibagh which is our place of worship for Radhasoami faith during this time of the year. Diwali in Agra is much much more fun than here in Ahmedabad. There is chhoti Diwali and badi Diwali....the sweets out there are so authentic, the food so delicious. But just being anywhere in India during this time is amazing!

I did not burst fire crackers today.... neither did I go out for a meal......I was home with my daughter, my parents and my bapuji. It meant the world to me!

I always feel very lonely in US during this time of year. Festivals don't mean much without family around. We try to have parties, make sweets n savories, dress up in sarees and light diyas, but nothing compares to the feeling that you experience when you are surrounded by all your loved ones here in India.

After Diwali comes Thanksgiving n Christmas, and the feeling of loneliness reaches its peak by the end of the year. Every single year that I have been in the US during this time, I have felt miserable from within. Thanksgiving and Christmas are also times when family gathers, and I don't have that in the US. I do have really close friends who provide much needed warmth n love to make it bearable, and for that I am so thankful!

There are 2 things that made me very happy today.

My mom has a cousin in her native place, who is poor. He used to own a business, made huge losses, and has never really come out of it inspite of trying very hard. His wife is sick and bed ridden since last few years, and the medical bills due to her illness are huge. His elder son has stopped going to school coz they need him to work and bring home a paycheck. The younger son might follow soon if things don't improve soon. In the past few years, my mom n her siblings have provided much needed financial support to him. But my mom doesn't work, neither do any of her siblings. So its difficult for them to help beyond a certain limit. Yesterday  morning, I was talking to my mom about few things that I would like to do during my stay here. And she asked me if I would like to help this family. I readily agreed.

My mom made a few phone calls and got a list of what her cousin's family needs right now. The list was so simple: 100kgs of wheat grain, 50kgs of rice, and 2 cans of groundnut oil for cooking. Mom called another relative who owns a grocery store in her native place, and had him send these things to her cousin. We will send the money for the stuff via mail tomorrow. This grocery would suffice their family for the next few months. By evening when this was all done, my mom was so so happy, she had tears in her eyes. Needless to say, the feeling inside of me was priceless!

I got reminded of this quote: "Charity begins at home"!

I do have fond memories of visiting this family during my childhood, and they used to treat us so well. I am looking forward to meeting them during my sister's wedding in January.

The second thing I did was visiting an old-age home with dad. There is one close to our house here where mom n dad go regularly and donate. All these females are socially and mentally abused. They have been abandoned by their family and have nowhere to go at this old age. Most of them are 70 years or older.

Today, we were given a list of medications for the 62 females currently residing there. Most of them have some illness - diabetes, heart problems, knee pain, back pain, etc. I will buy medicines that will suffice them for the next month. I also inquired if I could go visit them and talk to them personally, and they said I could, provided I don't ask them any personal questions about their family. I plan to do that once I settle down in a routine here. Maybe I will donate one day of meals - breakfast, lunch, dinner (costs $125) and have lunch with all of them. The few minutes that I spent in the premises today were humbling enough.

Apart from that, I went out in the city and bought a really cute traditional jacket for my daughter. This along with a pair of brown leggings is going to be her new year day outfit for Satsang tomorrow :). I'm excited to dress her up!!!! Diwali shopping is so much fun!

Today is new year day for us - we will make a full meal (vegetable, dal, roti, rice, appetizer, dessert, salad, yogurt, pickle) and do Satsang at home in the morning. In the evening we will take prasad and go for another Satsang with mom-dad-bapuji's Satsang group here. There will be lots of phone calls wishing "saal mubarak" to each other! I can't wait for the day to get started!!!!!

I wish all of you had a lovely Diwali and also wish you and your family a healthy, happy n peaceful year ahead!

This....I LOVE :)

My 10 week old on 10-10-10!!!!

And here are 10 things about her that I LOVE:

- Her smile - infectious!
- Her eyes - bright n wide n ready to absorb the world!
- Her hair - she got the good genes :)
- Her cheeks - chubbylicious!
- Her tummy - she loves it when I tickle her tummy :)
- Her feet - oh so small n soft n pink!
- Her fingers n nails - pretty pretty!
- Her bum - cute n comfy!
- Her coos n babbles....they are music to everyone's ears.
- Her sleeping poses - the picture below speaks for itself!!!!

Love you my betu!!!!!

Two Months

My daughter turned two months old last Friday. Until last week, we were counting her age in weeks....now we will do so in months....and before I even know it, we will count her age in years :)!

As I reflect on the last couple months, there is so much to cherish....here's a few reflections and observations:

- When I see my baby smile, I'm over the moon - every single time. I'm smitten! I've heard people saying this before, and did not believe them. Now I will :)
- At 2 months old, she fits "well" into 6-9 month old outfits. Wonder what sizes I should carry for my long trip to India this month :). She is growing up way too fast!
- I thought I could never survive with less than 8 hours of sleep. I was wrong :)!
- I did not anticipate and realize how much joy the baby would bring into my parents' lives. They are just delighted to take care of her day-in and day-out. When I look at their happy faces every morning and every evening, I feel it's all worth it.
- All the love that the baby is receiving from my friends is more than overwhelming. Almost every thing except the travel system is gifted.....and more than gifts, people come over so often to play with her and spend time with us. I must have done something right in these last 11 years in the US to receive so much love and warmth from everyone. Thank you!
- The baby has loooooooooong legs....and she uses them well to kick hard and strong.
- I always wondered how her hair would be like - my mom, grandma and aunts have long straight silky hair, and the baby has those good genes...so happy for that!
- She loves body massages - we have joined an infant massage class, and I am learning how to do it on her....
- She loves bath time....I so hope she loves the water, and the ocean! I cannot wait to take her to the beach. And teach her how to swim!
- The baby binds and grows the whole family together. We forget about petty issues between us and focus on her instead. I read this quote recently which I really liked: "Babies control and bring up their families as much as they are controlled by them; in fact ... the family brings up baby by being brought up by him." -Erik H. Erikson
- I really don't care about losing weight and fitting into my old jeans.....I used to worry about such things often.
- I look forward to my play time with her every single morning....it fills me with so much energy and joy.
- I also love my quiet times with her....mostly during middle of the night feedings. She will stare at me while feeding, and occasionally smile....makes me want to eat her up!!!!

Babies fill our life with so much love....and are a huge blessing in our lives!

Before I know it, she is going to turn a year old, and then start walking, and talking. I am excited for my 4 month break from work coming up - I will get to spend all day with my baby!!!!

My latest addiction :)

When I was a newborn and an infant, I was addicted to mom.

As I grew older, I was addicted to 'baa' (grandma) and daddy.

When I was 6 years old, my babie sister was born, and I was addicted to her....still am :)

Books, tennis, actors and actresses, classmates and friends, chocolates, teddy bears, clothes, travel - there were so many addictions I had while growing up.

After coming to the US, my major addictions have been the PC and the internet. And traveling to National Parks. And photography. And dance. And sports - tennis, racquetball, swimming, gymming, etc.

Needless to say, my latest addiction is my dear daughter. Look at the smile in the above picture - this photo currently sets up my desktop background and makes it very hard for me to concentrate on work :)!

It's only been 7.5weeks, but I have learnt and grown so much since the day she was born. I am enjoying every bit of it!!!!

How the baby has changed my mornings :)

Before the baby:

Alarm goes off in the morning. The snooze button is hit "x" number of times..."x" could be 1 or 2 or 5 depending on the day :)!

Check email on iphone...sometimes FB too.

Once in a while parents or sister or a friend calls so speak with them.

Brush my teeth.

Take a shower.

Dress up quickly.

Grab breakfast.

Grab laptop bag and purse.

Rush out of the house thinking about work.

Come to work....check email, news, browse for few mins and then start working.

If I need a break, then either go to cafe for water or fruit...or ping someone quickly to say hello, or browse.

No hurry to go home during lunch or after work.

After the baby:

No alarm needed....ever.

Barely get time to check email on iphone. If at all I have time to browse, I'm usually reading baby articles on the various apps :).

No time for phone calls....that too early morning.

Play with the baby....feed her, change her...talk to her.

Brush, shower, dress up, breakfast - all happens in a flash of time.

Play with the baby again....

Grab laptop bag and purse.

Leave the house with a smile. Think about baby while driving.

Come to work - get things done right away...look at baby's pictures during short breaks.

Finish work ASAP and head home during lunch and after work to spend time with baby.

L.I.F.E is G.O.O.D!
Loving motherhood so far :)!

Motherhood

It's been almost a month since I last updated my blog. And life has changed so much since then :)!

I'm thrilled and blessed to share with all of you that my daughter Ruhi was born on 1st August, 2010. I was in labor for 26 hours, half of it which was extremely painful and the other half very eventful. The reward at the end of it was priceless :)!

Life's been sooper busy but very memorable since the day she was born. I feel extremely blessed to have my family with  me during this time - mom, dad, sister, bro-in-law and few close friends that have taken care of hubby, me and our daughter so well.

We spent the first 3 days in the hospital....she had slight jaundice and the doctor wanted to watch her before sending us home. I read and learnt so much from the nurses, lactation consultants and mom during that time. After coming home, we have slowly started to settle into a routine with her.

She is pure joy and delight - watching her sleep, feed, play, smile, cry, giving her a bath - we are all smitten by all her activity and movements :)!

She loves to lay on my chest and go to sleep - and holding her while she does that is the most amazing feeling in this world!

Most of my friends have come home and met her....it feels great to share her with all of them!

I am also extremely thankful for my friends Kruti, Hinesh/Shrdha, Bhavna, Sunita and others who have graciously loaned me a crib, swing, rocker, bouncer, baby carrier, etc. I only had to buy a car seat and stroller for her so far....and few daily necessities....rest all was taken care of by friends.

I'm a mommy now - still can't believe it :). Pregnancy was so much fun but motherhood is even better :)!

And the fun has only begun :)