After having kids, it seems we are becoming more and more distant from many people. And I was reflecting why we don't gel with most folks around us....and this is what I came up with:
:: Hubby and I don't drink (alcoholic beverages). We get many invites for socializing over alcohol, and we have to politely decline. The husband suffers more than me, as he does not get to hang out with most of the guy gang. But he really hates drinking (even socially), and refuses to put up with socialization centered around drinking.
:: We don't leave our kids with anyone and go out on a date or attend an adult-only party. Not yet, anyway. We both feel the children are too little, heavily dependent on us for their daily routine of eating, bathing, playing and sleeping. We are already away from them during the day for work so taking more time and being away from them does not feel right. Even when we had parents to help us out, we never dumped the children on them outside of our work hours just to have fun. We feel we can do this until they are older and can be self sufficient in many of the routine tasks. It will be not long before they ask for night-outs at their friends houses, and will want to be with friends more than us. Then we will have plenty of opportunities for date nights and movie outings.
{Both our kids sleep fairly early, so every single day, we both get to be with each other for quite some time. It seems to be plenty for now.}
{Both our kids sleep fairly early, so every single day, we both get to be with each other for quite some time. It seems to be plenty for now.}
:: We don't like to dine out often. The more I find out about the ingredients in food served at restaurants or processed stuff available in supermarkets, the more paranoid I am. I have become extremely conscious of what we eat. I have also found a creative outlet in cooking, and really enjoy my time making meals for my family. Because of that, we end up eating mostly at home.
:: We watch NO TV. Yep, Zilch. So it's difficult to connect with folks over TV serials. Hubby reads/watch a bit of current affairs online and I do follow some sports (occasionally watch a few games) but I find it difficult to be around folks who always have their television ON in the background, all day. So, another topic for conversation off the list :).
:: We look forward to quality play time with our kids. What I have observed is - when you socialize a lot and are always around people, kids (especially as young as ours) will keep busy for some time, then get bored. Especially if there are mostly adults and no other children of the same age. We avoid such outings. Hubby is actually more sensitive than me on this front. He really does not like if he has to skip bedtime reading to the children, or miss park outings with them during weekends. We do our best to engage with them and keep doing new things. Bubbles, playdoh, puzzles, dancing, blocks, trains, books, juggling, tunneling, drawing, crafts, parks - we really look forward to all these simple pleasures of life.
:: Avoiding large daycare centers and preschools - both kids go to home based centers. They are very small, and private. The care providers are excellent, loving, and genuine. But due to this choice, our kids are not going to the schools that most of our friends kids attend. Interaction at school events with our social circle is practically zero. We feel a little out of place at gatherings where we have to defend our choices, but we are confident of them, and can hold our ground comfortably.
:: We typically travel by ourselves. Its very difficult to travel with our little ones....so we avoid going in groups where we have to deal with the schedules and preferences of other kids and their families. Hubby and I have gotten quite used to loading up our car and setting off for road trips. We drive during the night when the kids sleep and rarely take breaks. I always pack lots of homemade food and snacks. I like being independent and not having to change plans or be waiting if we would have company to travel with.
I could continue, but you get the idea. We have become 'the odd couple' now. A friend from work who is single has hinted to me that I have an attitude problem LOL. Not that I agree, but the perspective tells me something :). What do you have to say :P?
:: We watch NO TV. Yep, Zilch. So it's difficult to connect with folks over TV serials. Hubby reads/watch a bit of current affairs online and I do follow some sports (occasionally watch a few games) but I find it difficult to be around folks who always have their television ON in the background, all day. So, another topic for conversation off the list :).
:: We look forward to quality play time with our kids. What I have observed is - when you socialize a lot and are always around people, kids (especially as young as ours) will keep busy for some time, then get bored. Especially if there are mostly adults and no other children of the same age. We avoid such outings. Hubby is actually more sensitive than me on this front. He really does not like if he has to skip bedtime reading to the children, or miss park outings with them during weekends. We do our best to engage with them and keep doing new things. Bubbles, playdoh, puzzles, dancing, blocks, trains, books, juggling, tunneling, drawing, crafts, parks - we really look forward to all these simple pleasures of life.
:: Avoiding large daycare centers and preschools - both kids go to home based centers. They are very small, and private. The care providers are excellent, loving, and genuine. But due to this choice, our kids are not going to the schools that most of our friends kids attend. Interaction at school events with our social circle is practically zero. We feel a little out of place at gatherings where we have to defend our choices, but we are confident of them, and can hold our ground comfortably.
:: We typically travel by ourselves. Its very difficult to travel with our little ones....so we avoid going in groups where we have to deal with the schedules and preferences of other kids and their families. Hubby and I have gotten quite used to loading up our car and setting off for road trips. We drive during the night when the kids sleep and rarely take breaks. I always pack lots of homemade food and snacks. I like being independent and not having to change plans or be waiting if we would have company to travel with.
I could continue, but you get the idea. We have become 'the odd couple' now. A friend from work who is single has hinted to me that I have an attitude problem LOL. Not that I agree, but the perspective tells me something :). What do you have to say :P?
5 comments:
Oh forget the lot and be yourself. There isn't anything off about being "the odd couple" for a few years - once the kids are older social life, if you so desire, can resume easily. After all, much of "social life" is superficial and transitory.
I can completely understand the good man's discomfort with drinking buddies. Being a teetotaller myself, I can relate well to the discomfort with such "parties". Tell him, I'll come one day and we'll have a drinking session all to ourselves with coke :):):)
Sometimes it's good to be 'odd' :) I believe outings and gatherings are important too but only with 'like-minded' people. I hate spending precious weekends or holidays with people with whom you can't even easily converse for a while. Happens with us all the time - we avoid such outings and gathering and now we're unofficially an 'odd couple' but I don't mind being one! Thought about it for a while, to see whether it's my fault but no... if you don't enjoy the company and if you're not comfortable enough, better to be odd one out! :)
@Ramesh - please do come. He will really enjoy being with you. He is so shy and reserved....almost always works to his disadvantage, but I'm glad he's mine to keep and I get to see his good side (well, most of the times) :) :)
@Bhavika - ya, what is up with Indians and large groups? I don't get it. Thankfully, my sister and her hubby are also in the same boat so we have atleast family that we can hang out with and travel with all around.
Oh, I can absolutely relate to what you write here, Shachi. I often joke that I find it difficult to make friends with men here because most of the fraternizing is over alcohol and sports and I don't care for either. And not that keen on eating out rules out further socialization ... so, yes, I, too, bear that "attitude problem" label. Glad to know there are a few more in this club ;)
You're not alone, me and my hubby qualify for the title too. My husband does not care much for forced socializing just so we have friends. I've tried making friends, but it gets difficult with time and home and kids are my first priority. I do know of others who socialize with large groups and I do think it is something difficult for me to do and waste of time.
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