Being a working mother

I always knew, even before I became a mom, that having a career after becoming a mother was going to be stressful and difficult. That was one of the reasons (along with many others) that I waited until  I did to have a baby. After having worked for close to 11 years, I feel content with the career aspect of my life. However, I want my career to continue, not just end because I got pregnant and delivered a child.

All moms in my shoes are going through the same turmoil as I am. They feel guilty leaving their children with grandparents or caregivers, and some decide to quit, hoping to get back to work some day. Me - I'm still trying to figure things out!

I was reading an article on NY Times, and the following lines made so much sense:
"It's a risky strategy at a time when the economic crisis is putting male jobs and incomes at risk, when increasing longevity means bringing up children is only a passing phase in a woman's life and when divorce rates are high. Even if childcare eats up all of the female income, there is a long-term pay-off to staying in the labor market."


And this can only be possible if moms have the required infrastructure and support system to be able to effectively manage work and home. For Indian women, the first step is to have their husbands help them equally in the household chores, whether its cooking, cleaning, shopping, taking care of kids, etc. Most Indian men around me do not step up after the couple has a baby, and the woman is so exhausted at the end of the day coz her workload in the 24 hours of a single day has more than doubled. Not to mention the stress of pregnancy, child birth, nursing and the hormones that cause havoc on her physical and mental being. I am extremely fortunate (touch wood, God bless) to have my partner support me more than 50% in running the house. I love my husband a lot for being such a good daddy and husband after our daughter was born. However, since he pretty much works as much as I do, it makes sense that we both work and bring in the moolah to support our family and save some for our future as well. I love the fact that we both share this financial responsibility equally as well.

Having reliable childcare centers where parents feel safe to send their kids and have trust in the teachers, the school environment and system, is also very important. I was recently talking to a friend from my undergrad - she quit her job when her second kid was born, and now after being home for few years, does not feel like going back and the primary reason is lack of reliable daycare for her kids where she lives. Grandparents can help out but only for some part of the year, not all the time. It is also not right on our part as parents to impose our kids on the grandparents lifelong. During the first couple years, it is very helpful to have them around, but after that, we need to manage our life without depending on them. In US, there are several options for finding suitable daycare, which is nice. However, finding the perfect fit that works for your child and you is always a challenge.

Another thing that I have been thinking since I got pregnant is that they should have more jobs for women where they can work 2-in-a-box. What it means it that two people combined deliver the work that normally one employee is supposed to deliver, and you pair up these two people based on their strengths and personal constraints. I would thrive if I find such a job right now. Another option is for women to switch to part-time careers which pay good enough for them to feel motivated to work during pregnancy and early childhood years. Once the kids start elementary education, they can choose to go back to full time professionals.

So, society has evolved and made it possible for more women to join the workforce, have careers, be independent and contribute towards their family financially. But we need to continue to do more and provide more support for women to continue on this path after entering motherhood.

Each phase of life brings a unique mix of challenge and joy....this one is no different :).