Getting back to work

It's been a week that I got back to work after the longest leave of my life. I took my 2010 vacation, sabbatical, and partial bonding leave - all together, ~5 months, to enjoy motherhood at the fullest :). I know I feel really blessed to have such a good job and to be able to take such a long time off and be with my baby and family, however, as I resume work this week, lots of thoughts are running through my mind.

- The biggest question is - Am I okay with putting my baby in daycare or with a nanny? That would mean someone "else" NOT me is raising her. Someone else is teaching her all the important skills that she is going to learn in these early stages of childhood and developmental years. Many of my mommy friends who work full time have suggested I should make the most of the time I do have with my daughter - kind of hinting at - "quality is better than quantity"....I am somehow not convinced about this. When it comes to babies, quantity is important. They learn things slowly. You have to repeat the same thing over and over again before they get it. They observe so much, all day, and absorb everything - and learn through that. If I am not going to be around all day, how am I going to impact her as much as I would like to?

- My work is purely technical, where I need a huge amount of focus. I also cannot finish my work in the regular 8 hours, and very soon, when things ramp up, I would be totally consumed (mentally) by work related thoughts. When that happens, how effective will my evening/weekend time be with the kiddo? Not to mention the daily cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, socializing, etc that will need to be taken care of during the course of the week.

- Does it make sense to switch to 50% or 80% workload until the baby is old enough to go to school?

- Or does it make sense to switch my job profile to something which utilizes more of my strengths and is easier for me to handle during this stage of life? It would mean that I can easily complete my deliverables without being totally consumed by work, so that when I come home, I am effective in the time I spend with my daughter, and not very tired. It would also mean I can finish my tasks during the day so that I don't have to work at night or during the weekends on a regular basis. Occasional overload can be handled.

- During my time off, I did so many activities with my daughter. I took her for play n learn gym classes, swim lessons, music lessons, reading programs at the local library, play-dates, networking at a mommy n me group, social outings, etc. I want to be able to do at least some of this stuff even now, but weekdays are all gone with work. I can probably do one activity on a Saturday....nothing more. I don't like this compromise I am having to make.

- The whole breastfeeding thing is really hard to manage with a full time job. I either have to go home and feed the baby, or pump regularly at work to keep up my milk supply. Since my daughter is always low on the weight charts, I ensure that she eats all her meals in a timely manner. The moms' rooms at Intel really suck. They are very inconveniently located, and extremely small. They look like a highly compressed cube, and just the thought of visiting it makes me feel sick. So I never pump at work, and time my lunch hour according to the baby's feeding schedule.

- The good thing about being so busy is I don't watch any television....except for a little bit of cricket lately. I spend very little time on the Internet. I am much faster when it comes to completing my routine tasks at home and work. Phone calls are only made to the near and dear ones. Sleep is rarely compromised. Since we co-sleep, I enjoy sleeping next to my baby. I don't have the heart to put her into a crib yet :).

It's 5pm on Friday....so time to go home and be with the babie until Monday morning :)! I am thinking through what I mentioned above and will figure out what works best for me and my family, in the coming few weeks.