Thoughts on maternity benefits

I read this article yesterday:
http://money.cnn.com/2013/04/30/technology/yahoo-maternity-leave/index.html?fb_action_ids=10152798888910721&fb_action_types=og.recommends&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582

If interested, read the comments. Very interesting, to say the least.

I have mixed feelings about this whole maternity paid leave thing. I have voiced my opinions earlier about how Intel does not give us even a single day of paid maternity/paternity or bonding leave. Also, the state of CA classifies maternity as a short-term disability condition and because we pay for a short term disability plan through our paycheck, we get those benefits.

On one hand, I applaud large corporations like Cisco, Google, Facebook, and now Yahoo, for providing such generous benefits to new moms and dads. Any amount of leave for a new mom is not going to be enough. So whatever you get is great. However, I am of the opinion that such benefits have to come from the government (state or country), not from private corporations. Or, there should be a standardized policy that everyone follows. Atleast the minimum requirement. And then they could go above and beyond the minimum requirement, and that's entirely upto the company and its policies. That is how it is in many of the European countries, where the government itself has generous policies for new parents. In some countries, moms get upto 2 years of leave (not all is paid but their position in the workforce is guaranteed). Most countries do a year of leave in Europe.

I can see how the current situation where the benefits largely vary from one company to another in the US can cause lots of grief. Within the company as well, it brings on feelings of discrimination between employees. Another point that is sure to bring feelings of discrimination is these private companies dishing out cash for baby gear. Why is that? Isn't having kids part of your life plan? Don't you plan your expenses in such a way that you can accommodate the additional expense of bringing in a baby in your life? How do you compensate to the employees who choose not to have children or who don't have them yet or have fertility issues? Again, the appropriate thing is the tax breaks that you get for having more dependents in your household, and any deductions/credits you can take for their care....but such policies are already in place.

Not only the leaves - atleast with Intel - most of the "Great Place to Work" perks and events are also catered towards employees who have children. We have spring carnivals, movie nights, free museum and water park days, discounts on kids activities, etc. There are a ton of college graduates in the workforce who don't have a family, many childless couples, many more whose kids are college-age, and not to forget, the few single souls, who feel totally left out. This one colleague of mine who is single is never able to utilize any of the perks. He even skips the holiday dinner coz everyone brings their spouse and he feels odd to show up by himself.

The whole childcare-daycare ecosystem is also not too great in the US. From infants to preschool age children, there is a big dirth of quality childcare centers or individual providers who are licensed and experienced. I am experiencing all the issues first hand. I'm reading a book (bringing up bebe) which talks about creche's in France and how good they are, and how you have to get into the waitlist, etc and I feel why don't they have such places here in the US? Why don't they train people specifically for this purpose and pay them well enough to take up this career as a living?

An ideal life is where one parent stays home and takes care of the kids and the house, and the other one is the bread winner. But then we would never evolve as a society, would we?

I've mostly ranted out here...but what do you think?

How do I look :)?

This picture is from last weekend.

A couple of things happened while I was on vacation in India.

First, I lost 10+ lbs (I think 12 lbs but definitely more than 10). YAY! All the weight that I gained during my second pregnancy is gone. I didn't have to diet, or exercise. Just breastfeeding the baby full-time and watching what I eat helped me lose it. I also had to cut out dairy from my diet for a few weeks, and I'm sure that helped me shed some pounds. Now I have about 10 more lbs to lose....its the excess from my first pregnancy with the daughter, and as I introduce a little bit of exercise this summer into my routine, and continue to be mindful of my calorie intake, combined with breastfeeding the baby past his first birthday (or as long as he wants to nurse), I will be able to shed it.

Second, I cut my hair shorter. A lot of people are noticing it and commenting. My neighbors in India were very sad....they never commented that they loved my long hair, but after the haircut, they told me they had always longed for hair like mine. After coming to the US, the person who is disappointed the most is the husband :). He had grown a mustache while we were gone, so when we met him at the airport, he said he grew it to mourn my haircut without his consent - LOL!. Personally, I love the shorter do. I can wash my hair everyday and leave it open and don't have to spend much time caring for it. I had loooooong hair for 10+ yrs and a change was overdue. With a toddler and an infant, I barely manage to shower everyday. There could not be a better time to enjoy this new hair style.

Both refreshing changes for me....looking forward to enjoying summer and being outdoors and active!

Back to work....

:: First day back at work after a longish break - I find it peaceful and relaxing so far....I miss the kids but not so much that I would want to run back home :).

:: Cleaned my desk thoroughly - I find most cubicles filthy and full of junk....I like to keep my working space neat and organized.

:: Was pleasantly surprised to find a divisional recognition award plaque at my desk for a small research project I did with Barcelona team a while back.

:: Went down to the cafe and was happy to see that all disposable items - cups, lids, spoons, etc have given way to reusable mugs and steel utensils.

:: Spoke to my manager and found out he got a well deserved promotion. Extremely happy for him and feels great to work for someone who is much above the rest of the staff (in terms of technical expertise and mentoring) on our project..and is a true leader. Now only if he would cut down on his micro-management (and to be fair, he has succeeded in doing that in the recent past) then he would be someone I could learn and grow from and enjoy working with in the years to come. We had a bumpy beginning but we seem to be getting along fine since quite some time now.

:: The entire family, including moi, was sick with a bad bacterial infection as soon as we landed. It took us more than a couple weeks to recover. The baby has had back to back ear infections (seriously, he needs your prayers) and I seem to have caught another cold yesterday. It's been very challenging, to say the least, in terms of illnesses since 2013 began.

:: For our daughter: I've toured many preschools and have done trials at 3 of them. I have come to a conclusion that for our daughter's personality, a Montessori will work best in the beginning years. She has an interview today (good luck to her :)) and if she does well then she will start half-day preschool this week - I'm excited and nervous! {Any inputs on preschools, montessori, etc are appreciated}.

:: Tried out a new chaat dish recently - did not take pics but will post a recipe soon. It's a lot of work to make it (soaking dal, grinding, baking, etc) but its sooper yummy and nutritious.

:: I am already planning a short vacation in summer {sigh} - it will only be a week long but looking forward to it!

Here's a recent picture of the kiddos....{got a few matching outfits stitched in India...feel so happy to see them wear those :)}

Back to work now!

Ordinary days

Our India trip is coming to an end this weekend. We've spent almost 3 months here, and even though most of our bags are packed, we don't feel like leaving. I know my parents and daughter would rather stay here forever. Although I miss my hubby, my home and my work, I wish I could stay here longer :).

This trip has been very challenging on all levels. Many things did not go as expected. Kids falling sick so many times, changing weather all throughout our stay, zillions of mosquito bites, dealing with a very defiant and stubborn toddler, potty training, an infant who never naps well during the day, feeding issues for both, mom's illness, and much much more.

But the trip has also been a triumph of sorts. When a problem arose, we figured out a solution - help came in quickly and from unexpected sources. It made us more resilient. I never lost my patience or found myself crying on the bathroom floor during tough times (when I traveled with my infant daughter, I had several breakdowns, and way too may conflicts with my parents during my stay, so I was anxious about such stuff happening again,  but thankfully, none of it did). The best gift that I have been rewarded with is how well the daughter has integrated herself into the culture and lifestyle here. She talks Gujarati, sings hindi/gujarati songs, eats Gujarati food, spends more time and eat more meals at the neighbors' houses than at our house, bathes/naps with other folks, travels by scooter and rickshaw everywhere, has loved and enjoyed with all the relatives she has met, has been on a long train journey, has visited so many local parks here, and so many other things. Even though I have a very tough toddler at my hands, I am proud to see the Social Gujarati Butterfly she has become here, and that too with so much ease.

Just to give you an example of her day:
Yesterday evening, she ate pani-puri at someone's house at 6pm; she ate dosa at another aunty's house at 7pm and then she had dessert at a neighbor's house at 8pm. She only comes home at bedtime, and insists that we keep the door open for her to walk in at night. I truly envy her life!

The son has graduated from tummy time and back time to playing in a sitting position all day....and he too spends a considerable portion of his time during the day "socializing". He prefers women over men (true story) and little girls over boys (yep). We tried a few more foods and he still only likes eating mangoes. He sure is lucky and blessed to have spent his first summer in India!


When I come for extended stays like this trip, what I enjoy the most are the ordinary days. Where the milkman delivers milk first thing in the morning, followed by the newspaper vaala. Where my day starts lazily and I can browse the newspaper while brushing my teeth. Where mom cooks our routine meals. Where the neighbors chit-chat all through the day. Where the apartment kids go to school and return. Where the vegetable and fruit vendors make their daily rounds. Where we have a full meal for lunch and then everyone naps for a couple of hours. Where we eat mangoes daily. Where we drink sugarcane juice (with ginger and a dash of lemon) on hot summer days to quench our thirst. Where we can go out for a walk in the evening and watch the neighborhood kids play cricket. Where we only have to run an errand or two during the day. Where relatives call to check on how we are doing. Where mom-dad do Satsang three times a day and there is ample opportunity to join them or just listen and enjoy. Where the awesome neighbor brings by a plate of hot snacks they have just made. Where bapuji visits almost daily and talks about interesting stuff. Where radio mirchi is playing on the radio all day in the background. Where I have ample time to bathe the kids, to read books to them, to feed them, to sings songs and poems, to do drawing or crafts, or to just watch them run around and play or interact with other children. Where there is no shopping to be done, no agenda to be accomplished, nowhere to get to....just being home is blissful. Such ordinary days are true vacation days....where the mind is at peace and the heart is content.

And these ordinary days are the ones I will miss and cherish the most!!!!

Need your help....

Please pray for both the kiddos. They are sick....yet again. Vomiting, diarrhea, fever......so worried about both of them. They have caught a stomach bug from somewhere...the doc said its going around. We have a couple more weeks before we head back to CA.....and I was hoping they stayed healthy, but it was not meant to happen.

Thank God for mom n dad to be there with me during this time....without their help I would be struggling right now.

Six months

Our son turned 6 months old last week. He is a playful infant now, whose favorite position is to be on his tummy, with his neck perched up & moving 360 degrees while his eyes soak up the world around him. I already miss the newborn stage where all we would do is cuddle, hug, cuddle, hug all through the day.

He LOVES to smile....and giggle, and laugh out loud too. And you can never get enough of a baby's laughter. A couple of days ago, we went to visit a family friend....fairly late at night. I never take the baby with me when I step out, but at night, he does not sleep without me...so we took him with us. We got down from the rickshaw at the entrance of their apartment complex and were walking towards their building....and we passed by many dogs in the complex who were barking loudly. Every bark made the baby so happy that he laughed uncontrollably :) :) :) :) - and every bark made my mom so scared that she clutched my hand and stuck close behind me. Such a stark contrast of feelings!

Our little man loves his milk, and he loves his mangoes. All his chubbiness comes from these two things. Apart from that, he has tried rice cereal, sweet potatoes, bananas, peas and squash so far. I can clearly tell from his facial expressions that he hates all of these foods I have listed. But milk and mangoes - he can't get enough of. He's just like his mumma and his sister in this aspect. I am spending the month of March in India for the first time in 13 years. The mango season is going on in full swing and I am thoroughly savoring my favorite fruit in the world every.single.day!!!!

The other day, my dad was holding him, and he said "mum"! We can call that his first word. The daughter's first word was also "mum", and for the longest time, she used to call me "mum mum". These babies are born genuises - I tell you - they know their mumma provides food and they recognize us only from the smell of their liquid gold....hence "mum or mum mum" is so apt! Apart from that, there is a lot of cooing and really loud screaming (especially when he sees his sister) that we can hear all day from him.

On milestones, the little guy is right on track. He first rolled over at 3 months, then stopped due to illness and travel and change in environment, but at 4.5 months, he was rolling over non-stop. He now rolls over from back-to-tummy and tummy-to-back. He can sit up by himself at 6 months and is grabbing/reaching for things.....his favorite being my iphone which he will either grab or hit so hard that it falls down hard on the floor every time I am not paying enough attention. I imagine him crawling soon - and that is the stage that I enjoy the most during their first year. Between sitting up and walking, the crawling stage passes like a fleeting wave. Recently, I was watching a few videos of the daughter crawling sooper fast in our home and was feeling so nostalgic. I miss her being so little!

Just like his sister, he LOVES music. A lot of times...I put a playlist on Pandora or Saavn and leave my iphone next to him on the bed with a few toys. He will listen to it and play for a long time by himself. The moment the music stops or is interrupted by Internet connectivity, he starts crying. He also loves the mozart tunes that play in his crib mobile. I can't wait to get both the kids started on music and piano lessons - I made my sister learn 6+ years of classical music (and yes, she sings very well) because my parents could not afford to send me when I was young....and I definitely would want my kids to learn it too. If it works out, hubby and I will also take singing (for hubby coz he already sings extremely well) and piano (for me) lessons along with the children....and we will be one loud rhythmic musical family!

His sister now adores him, but is still sooper jealous, and possessive about toys, etc. She will not share any toy with him, and snatches away any toy that he is playing with. Same with books - she does not mind us reading books to both of them, but if we are reading alone to him, she will come and snatch the book. She is going through a lot herself - she gave up her milk bottle, gave up wearing diapers and is now fully potty trained (even for naps, bedtime with just an occasional accident), and took some time to adjust to Indian life but has gelled in beautifully - a lot of changes have been going on for her since her brother entered our lives....so we are very patient with her. Sometimes I wish she was older so that she would be more loving and caring and sharing with him, but I'm happy with what we've got.

What's so different about the first six months of my son vs the first six months of my daughter is the anxiety - Mainly related to feeding. The daughter was very skinny, and I used to worry A LOT. I must have gone and weighed her more than 20 times. With my son, since he is chubby, I never worry about it. He turned six months old and we have not weighed him yet....we don't need to....I'm pretty confident he is fine. The daughter met all her milestones and did well on charts except her weight. Also being a first time mom, I had a lot of paranoia about other things too. Experience is definitely helping me be more laid back and at peace with his upbringing.

I don't get to hold my son and spend as much one-on-one time with him as I did with my daughter. However, I nurse him full time....so we bond during those sessions. We also co-sleep so I am next to him all night. And when I'm not holding him, he's held and loved and cuddled and hugged either by hubby and family, or our awesome friends and neighbors. We are incredibly blessed and lucky in that respect. There has not been a dirth of warm, loving and caring people around us during this time of our lives.

He has met all his grandparents, visited India, been to the beach, eaten Indian Alphonso/Kesar mangoes, and has worn lovely outfits gifted to him by so many people. His dad and I have read many many books to him. And I bought more than 100 books from India (in English, Gujarati and Hindi) during this trip....can't wait to read them ALL to the kids!

I'm sure I am missing out on listing a ton of interesting stuff here....but this post is already long.....so now onto some pictures :):

Since the day he was born, I wanted to dress him up as a girl....finally fulfilled my desire :).....

Dressed him up in a kurta-pajama on his six month birthday.....

Enjoying his mangoes....

And at 6 months old, sitting up by himself.....

He had a very sick period from 3 months to 6 months - he probably caught the flu in US which weakened his whole immune system and made him fall sick couple more times...hope he stays healthy now and gets a chance to boost his immunity....I am also trying to do my best by feeding him 100% breastmilk and no formula from my end. Please pray for him from your end too!

The Indian vacation continues....

And I am soaking it all in.....

We spent most of February with hubby and his family in Mumbai. The baby was sick when we reached there, but after a few days he got better. At the airport, the daughter was expecting her daddy.....but when she saw him, she could not believe that he was really standing there, in front of her. She was so shy, but when he picked her up and hugged her, she showered him with lots of kisses and love :). At home, our son greeted his grandma by peeing on her clothes (his diaper leaked) as soon as she picked him up :).

We had a wonderful time in Mumbai. The daughter spent almost every minute with her daddy. Husband's elder brother also came over from Europe to spend time with all of us. We visited malls, the beach (the warm waters of the Arabian sea at Juhu beach were so inviting - the daughter spent two hours playing and didn't want to leave), the marketplace, and many parks. The daughter accompanied her dad on his dentist visits, and I'm told she was very well behaved. We are lucky to live in a clean and developed area of the city (Powai) so we made the most of our time out there. I had a Starbucks after a long time, and totally enjoyed it. We also met family who is in town, and the daughter particularly hit it off with my nephew who is as naughty as her.

We also relished some yummy Alphonso's to mark the start of the 2013 mango season in India! Both the kids can't get enough of them everyday.

Back in Ahmedabad here, both the kids were so so happy to see their nani-nana. They missed them a lot. Even the baby was jumping with joy when my mum held him. Mom n dad had kept the house ready for us with so many goodies - I felt I was given the welcome of a princess when I got back. Hubby spent a couple of days with us, and in that short time, we managed a few visits to the relatives houses, two temple visits, and I took him on my scooter to eat dabeli, vada paav, pav bhaji, pani puri, sugarcane juice, etc. He totally relished all the street food, and I sat next to him watching him gobble up all that stuff. I didn't eat anything coz I fall sick way too easily.

The daughter has also been reunited with all her friends here. She missed them a lot when she was in Mumbai.

Today morning, I was lucky to be able to watch both the kids wake up in the morning - one after the other. It was a amazing feeling for me to experience it and I managed to record a video as well of my son waking up.

As I mentioned in my earlier post, there's difficulties and hardships here. But internally, I'm just very happy and at peace. And I attribute my happiness largely to the people - both our parents, siblings, relatives, neighbors, house help, etc. Our neighbors routinely feed meals to my daughter....it's one stressful part of my day to feed her three meals, and I hardly have to do it here - such a huge relief. People take her out.....dad always takes her out to run errands. Lots of cousins and aunts and uncles call and check on us. My bapuji comes over daily and spends time with me (he is ~75 yrs and I am very very close to him).

When someone passes away (age of the person does not matter), people drop everything and go for the funeral and last rites. Even if it is in another town, they catch a flight/train/bus/car right away and go.

When there is a happy occasion - like an engagement or a wedding, a house warming or puja, most people make every effort to attend. There's never a dirth of people at the occasion.

I also find people making less excuses when they have to help someone.

Back in the US, it's the people that I miss the most. (and maybe because in India, I am lucky to have a family with whom we are very close and we have really awesome neighbors too). I've had many difficult days here (especially when both kids were sick at the same time) but people dropped by to hold them, hug them, help me in the house, give me advice, take me to doctor, and basically, helped me get through those tough times. They assured me things will be okay, and were there for me....not just virtually (over email or phone) but in person. Everyone is busy here, but they still make time for you. Life is not self-centered. You feel a strong community around you all the time, and it helps you especially when you are at a stage of your life where you need it the most. (like for me, right now, raising young children).

Another thing that I am absolutely cherishing during my break from work is the bonding between my two munchkins. The daughter still won't share her toys with her brother, and will occasionally try to hit him or harm him. But if you ask her whether she loves him, you will hear a resounding "yes". She loves his name so much, that in Mumbai, when people asked her "what is your name" she would say her brother's name :). Every morning, as soon as she wakes up, she will ask about him (if he is not next to her, coz he usually is). They play together a lot. She sings such an awesome lullaby for him in Gujarati....it melts my heart to hear it everyday. She is also very fond of getting pictures clicked with him.

Both of them in matching "moody" t-shirts.....

The big sister imitating her brother.....

Giving him a tight squeeze and kissie on the bean bag....

The daughter keeps telling me that she does not want to go back to America. She loves it here so much. Her conversations have gotten cuter, and I must do a post to share them with all of you....hopefully soon.

Oh, and before I end, I managed to read a few books as well - Mitch Albom's The Time Keeper, Preeti Shenoy's The Secret Wishlist, Sudha Murty's non-fiction books (Wise and Otherwise, The old man and his God, The day I stopped drinking milk), Deepti Naval's The Mad Tibetan, and I've finished 25% of Daniel Kahneman's Thinking Fast and Slow. I LOVED all the books I read. If you want a short review of any of them, please let me know, and I'll do a post.

Internet access is limited here, hence I'm not posting regularly. Once I am back to the states, I will post frequently.