Money

It is said that money can ruin relationships. It can also break marriages. It can cause so much bitterness between people that they can never feel normal with each other again.

If you have experienced any sort of issues on this front, you will agree to this whole heartedly.

I feel myself very fortunate and blessed to never having to ask anyone for money. Until I attended college, my parents happily paid for my education, and never once in my life made me feel that they were doing something out of the ordinary. Right after graduation, I found a job and worked for few months before heading over to the US for my Masters. My dad helped me get a loan to pay for it, and I was extremely lucky to find on-campus jobs throughout that period to pay for my monthly expenses (apart from tuition). Before graduating, I landed a job at Intel and within a year of working, I had paid off my loan. After that, I have always ensured I spend way less that what I earn, and have also helped family and friends with my savings time and again.

I don't drive an expensive car, neither do I buy expensive outfits, nor do I go clubbing or spend lavishly on any form of entertainment. I bought a starter home which serves all our needs right now, and we hardly paid any down payment for it. I do enjoy few luxuries in life, however, they are much less in proportion to what I earn. I have never taken any unpaid or partial paid time off (except during maternity) throughout my career.

When lending money to friends (on rare occasions), I have not once reminded them of it. Or asked for them to return it. The people who have borrowed it have proven to be real gems - worthy of being helped out in their time of need. They have not only returned the money in a timely manner, they have also paid interest (inspite of me refusing to take it) and have expressed their gratitude in a profound way. I could not ask for more!

However, I have recently come across few situations which have been uncomfortable (for lack of a better word or I could say, hurtful). There are few people who are very cheap and they always bring money into the conversation. We might not even be talking about it, but when there is a conflict, they will always use money as an insult or retaliation mechanism. They seem to lose their composure, and stability of mind, and reasoning, and respect - everything - and just say things that they themselves regret later. Words do sting hard - spoken, or written. For a person like me, who finds it easier to forgive but much much harder to forget, they stay with me forever. And emotionally and mentally, I move farther away from that person, even if I don't wish to. All this is okay if it happens with someone who is not close to you. But what if this is a family member or a very close friend?

When I reflect upon my experiences related to this issue, I cannot help but think about how I was raised. My mother is a stay-at-home mom who sacrificed her career (she is sooper smart) for the kids and family. However, she ran the household according to her terms, and was never questioned by my dad or anyone else about daily expenses. For my sister, my grandma (who lived with us) and I, we always had access to how much ever money we wanted. We just had to justify why we needed it. Growing up, I don't remember a single conversation about financial issues happening in the house. If there was anything to be resolved, it was done by mom and dad in privacy. My parents also always explained to us in a loving and positive way the importance of money. When we would be unreasonable with our demands as kids, they dealt with us in a very efficient manner. Everything was not perfect, but overall, we were raised with a good value of money and management of finances.

On the contrary, if I grew up in a household where there were always conflicts related to money, I would be dealing with issues in my own life very differently.

I am proud to say that I have been able to maintain my self-respect and dignity while dealing with these hurtful situations. Even though I am very short tempered, I have maintained my calm, and not uttered anything that I regret. It's been tough, but I have been successful.

I hope such awkward scenarios don't come by too often.